


The Devil Made Me Do It

by saucyminx



Series: Devil Verse [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-05
Updated: 2010-11-05
Packaged: 2017-10-28 07:30:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 34,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/305361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saucyminx/pseuds/saucyminx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Third Story in the Devil!Verse</p><p>All come from the idea that there was no Ruby - there was a demon named Dean :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

There was a spark along his finger tips and Sam gripped the wheel a little tighter, wetting his lips and trying to focus on the road. His vision was blurring around the edges and he knew he was going to snap within a matter of moments. The motel was twenty minutes away, at the least, and Sam kept sliding glances over to Dean. It seemed like the demon was completely calm and at ease, Sam envied him that.

“Oh fuck this.” Sam growled and spun the wheel, pulling sharply into a parking lot of a building that had apparently suffered foreclosure not too long ago. It was sunset, the sky tinged with light pinks and oranges and Sam drove to the far side of the parking lot where the branches were hanging low over cement.

He slammed on the brakes and threw the car into park, turning to kick the door open and crossing to the passenger side before Dean had chance to react. The sound of passing cars was echoing oddly in the abandoned parking lot and it was still light enough they could be seen, but Sam didn’t care. He tugged the passenger door open and grabbed Dean’s shirt, tugging him out of the car and pinning him up against the side.

“You and your damn smug face.” Sam growled and rolled his hips forward, dipping down to lick along the still mostly open cut at the base of Dean’s neck. “I know you want it just as much, you’re fucking going insane for it.” He spoke against Dean’s skin, slipping his hand up under Dean’s shirt and running up along the rippled curves of muscle.

Dean's smirk faded quickly and he licked his lips slowly. They'd found four demons and Sam had drunk enough blood to deal with them. Just like always, the moment Sam's lips were on Dean's neck his lust and want started to ratchet up out of control. Of course, there was always the pleasure of teasing Sammy, making his human think that _just maybe_ the demon was better at self-control.

"All jazzed up, Sammy?" Dean was. His heart was pounding and the way Sam looked was only making it worse. Hair tousled, cheeks flushed with the success of saving four people. _Four_. "You're so strong now, Sam." It wasn't teasing, it was genuine praise.

Panting softly, Dean slid his hands along the roof of the car and laid back, spreading himself out for Sam.

“I am.” Sam slid his hand down, rolling his palm along Dean’s crotch and pressing down. “I can feel it, all this energy. And you. I can feel you in me.” He murmured and pulled back, wetting his lips and meeting Dean’s eyes. He could see the flicker of black growing stronger as his arousal heightened.

“Sometimes, I want to see you like that always.” Sam whispered, dipping down to trace the tip of his tongue along Dean’s lips. “Because it’s you.” His thumb flicked over Dean’s button, drawing the zipper down and slipping his hand along the demon’s boxers.

Pulling back the holds he kept on his demon self, Dean closed his eyes and when he opened them he knew they would be fully black. Arching off the side of the Impala, Dean moaned softly and stared up at Sam. The way the man's hands moved over him - so deliberate, so sure, was the hottest thing in the world. Blinking slowly, he smiled slightly. "Wanted you from the moment we got there."

“You always want me.” Sam laughed softly and traced along Dean’s hip bones. “I always want you.” He dipped down once more, capturing Dean’s lips against his own. His fingers grazed over every inch of Dean’s skin, wanting to touch as much of him as he could. He always did, months had passed and he still couldn’t get enough of Dean.

He inhaled shakily as he pulled back, pushing at Dean’s jeans. “Want me to fuck you right here? Anyone could see you know, all those people driving by.” Sam smirked slightly down at Dean, loving the way the demon was so open with him. Sam couldn’t name their connection, but he’d learned to appreciate it.

Throwing his head back against the car, Dean moaned. In one smooth movement he twisted in Sam's arms and bent over the hood of the car. As he moved he shoved at his jeans and bit his bottom lip; yeah, he was needy and wanted it rough and ready. It wasn't like Sam was going to complain. Splaying his fingers on the smooth black paint of the hood, Dean arched his back and looked over his shoulder. "Do it," he growled.

“Jesus.” Sam groaned and slid his hand down, curving over Dean’s ass and squeezing roughly. “You’re so fucking needy.” Heat was curling low in the pit of Sam’s stomach and Dean was _gorgeous_ spread out like that, Sam wanted to devour him in every way he could.

“Just want me to take you? Split you open without any preparation?” Sam squeezed the demon’s ass once more, spreading the mounds of flesh apart and biting down on his lip. Sometimes he felt like he wanted Dean so badly it hurt.

"Yes," Dean rasped. As he spoke he let his cheek fall to the hood. The metal was warm and smooth against his cheek and he rocked his hips forward to get some friction on his aching cock.

"Sam," he whispered. There was something a little desperate about it -but it had been hours since Sam drank his blood and the man was still thrumming with energy. Sparks darted across Dean's skin whenever Sam touched him.

Groaning low in his throat, Sam spat twice into his palm and quickly slicked himself, pressing forward and giving up trying not to appear so eager. There was no denying how much he always wanted Dean and likely always would. Lining himself up, Sam pressed forward, shoving hard into Dean in one long, deep thrust. Heat instantly encased him, causing Sam’s hips to snap forward and bury his cock impossibly deeper inside his lover.

“God how are you still so tight?” Sam moaned and curled his fingers hard into Dean’s hips, sliding his body back and thrusting forward once more. He wanted to claim Dean while the energy was still humming along his skin, when he could still feel the connection so strong.

Dean's body was ready for the _painpleasure_ of Sam's first thrust, the second caught him off guard and he sucked in a breath of hot dusty summer air. The heat of the car was warming his chest and his mind whirled off into the lust that bit at every part of him. Spreading his legs as wide as he could, Dean moaned softly against the hood then pushed up with his hands so he could arch back onto his lover's cock.

Thick and hard, Sam thrust deep into him and even as it stung and burned it rocked Dean right to his core. He _always_ wanted this and he wanted it even more when Sam was all juiced up.

Biting down hard enough on his lip to taste blood, Sam groaned and rocked forward, driving hard and swift into his lover. He didn’t give Dean a chance to adjust because he knew the demon didn’t need it, he liked to feel the burn and stretch and Sam wanted to give him that. He wanted to give him everything he could.

“Dean,” he moaned the name low in his throat, the heel of his palm pressing flat at the base of Dean’s spine and rolling slowly up. He could still hear the roar of passing cars and it only added to the thrill, making Sam feel a little insane as he thrust hard forward.

Just like always, Dean could feel his control unraveling strand by strand as Sam thrust hard into him. Blood rushed in his ears and Sam's hands were hot and damp against his skin. Dean moaned loudly, nails dragging harmlessly across the hood of the car. Twisting his hips, Dean rolled his body against the car, pressing his cock against the warm metal and groaning. "Sammy," he mumbled. It was all too much, too fast, and Dean's body wasn't able to hold back.

Crying out, he slammed his hand down hard on the hood, his hips twisted roughly as Sam thrust hard against his ass and Dean came. Keening sounds passed his lips and his entire body twitched with the impact of his orgasm.

Eyes slamming shut, Sam pushed forward against the tightening of muscles around him, holding him there until Sam shuddered and felt his release snap. He drove hard forward down into Dean, shoulders tensing with the burst of pleasure flaring through him. The soft noises falling from Dean’s mouth made Sam moan, his grip tightening for one long moment before he slowly released his grasp.

“God, Dean,” he murmured and slipped his arm under Dean’s chest, pulling him slightly back from the hood of the car and just barely lifting him off the ground. He grasped Dean’s jaw and tilted the demon toward him, lips pressing slowly over Dean’s and deepening a moment later.

Straining back, Dean was frantic to deepen the kiss. Hands pushing at the hood, he stretched back and lapped at Sam's mouth almost reverently. Worshipping Sam was easy, he was everything Dean couldn't be and he still _loved_ Dean. For reasons Dean might never understand, Sam loved _him_.

Sighing, Dean fell back against the car again, panting, exhausted. "That was. That was. Yeah," he murmured. Laughing softly, he coughed when he inhaled some of the red dust on the hood of the car.

“Mm. I should pull over to the side of the road and ravage you more often.” Sam laughed softly and pulled back, tugging his shirt off to clean himself off and dress. Then he reached out for Dean, turning him to wipe along his skin and bending down to pull his pants on once more. “Love when you get like this, all fucked out and loopy.”

Laughing, Sam pulled Dean against his chest, gently kissing him once more. “Makes me feel all powerful knowing I can fuck you into oblivion like this.”

Slipping his arms around Sam's neck Dean simply stared up at the man. Bleary-eyed, he smiled and kissed the corner of Sam's mouth. "Was a good idea I had, stoppin' for sex." He chuckled at the look on Sam's face and dragged his tongue along the man's bottom lip. "Can we go ... back to the motel?" Dean almost said _home_.

“Yeah Dean,” Sam laughed softly and stroked a hand through Dean’s hair before pulling him back and tugging the passenger door open. He took too much time lowering Dean into the seat, but he didn’t mind. Sam crouched down in front of Dean, cupping his jaw once more and bringing him in for another kiss. “Four demons, Dean. That’s a good sign, yeah? That means I could be closer to ready. I mean, if they come at us.”

Lying there against the seat, Dean smiled softly. "It's great, Sam. You're so much stronger than you used to be. I think that you might even be stronger than me one day if you ... if you keep drinking blood, I mean." His lips twitched into a more crooked smile.

“I only want to when I need to. Like now, when I’m building up the power and stuff. When it’s all done, when we stop Lilith or whatever we end up doing, it’ll be different.” Sam laughed and kissed the corner of Dean’s mouth before pushing back. “I’ll still drink your blood sometimes, but I think it might be purely recreational.”

“Doesn’t hurt me,” Dean muttered. Sometimes, it left him a little weak, but he was more than willing to put up with that for the connection it gave him to Sam. No one else could give Sam what he could.

Slipping his hand over Sam’s cheek, Dean swept his thumb over the mole there and smiled. “I know all about you now, Sam Winchester.”

“Yeah, I think you do.” Sam’s lips twitched in a slight smile and he stood, looking down at Dean. “I pretend to know all about you too, Dean Winchester.” His fingers traced over the car door and he stepped back, making sure Dean was inside all the way before he pushed it closed.

He crossed quickly to the driver’s side, slipping in behind the wheel and firing up the engine once more. “Food first? Or the motel?”

“Drive through?” Dean grinned.

“I’m tellin’ ya Dean, those french fries are gonna go right to your pretty little ass.” Sam laughed and shook his head. But he’d go through the drive through because he was a pushover like that. “Dean, you know we should really try and pursue Lilith further. The path is cold.”

Sighing, Dean looked out the windshield as Sam pulled back out onto the road. He shifted uncomfortably; he needed a shower. The truth was that Dean hadn't wanted to leave Sam for long enough to find Lilith. And finding her? Well, that meant an eventual confrontation of some kind. "She's... she'll be hard to find. I can start looking again. Do we have a plan? We don't even have a plan."

“The plan is I pull her before it becomes too late. You know, before she gets to whatever place the seal thing is. Right? Won’t that do the trick?” Sam looked over at Dean, pursing his lips as the demon continued to shift in place. “You’re doing the _I’m hiding something_ dance. What do I need to know?”

"No, I'm not. I'm doing the _my lover just fucked me_ dance." Dean smirked, but it faded quickly when he thought about what they were facing. "Listen Sam. I don't know about this stuff yet - I need to think about it, see what I can find out. What if? What if she persuades you to kill her? What if you break the seal? What if we don't get to her in time? I have more questions than I have answers at this point in time. And I can't-" _lose you._ Dean looked out the passenger window and watched the grassland fly past.

“Okay, alright.” Sam nodded, smiling weakly over at Dean then looking away. “I just want to know. Keep me in the loop, alright? Take me with you to talk to the demons you have to talk to, if you can I mean. We gotta stick together on this.” Sam squeezed Dean’s thigh and pulled into the driveway for a fast food place. As they waited in the line, he smiled over at Dean. “Promise me?”

Now _that_ request made Dean do the _I'm hiding something_ dance. "Sammy," he groaned. "It's not that easy.” Nothing was that easy for a hunter and demon working together to save the fucking world.

“Yeah, figured you’d say that.” Sam shrugged and pulled his hand back, turning toward the driver’s window to order the food. He wasn’t expecting Dean to give over that easy and that was alright, he’d play the role he had to. And he’d just watch Dean like a hawk, pick up the pieces as he had too.

After picking up the food and heading back to the street, Sam looked over at Dean once more. “I hate when you say things like that.”

“Like what?” Dean blinked slowly and stared over at Sam. The man’s gaze was a bit too intense and he had to look away.

“The _it’s not easy_ thing.” Sam lifted his shoulder in a shrug, easing back in the seat for the short drive back to the motel. “Nothing is ever easy; it’s the point of life. What you _should_ say is yeah Sam, I’ll keep you in the loop, we’ll do as much as we can together because I want you by my side.”

"What? I don't speak right now? You know I'll tell you what I can, when I can. _Fuck_ Sammy." Folding his arms defensively, Dean slid down in the seat. “You shouldn’t be all, like thinkin’ I’m not gonna tell you shit, ‘cause I do.”

“I know you do. Just like you should be able to easily promise that you’ll continue to do that.” Sam glanced over at Dean and couldn’t help smirking slightly. Dean was doing his frustrated pout, he was pretty sure the demon would beat him up if he knew how often Sam considered him adorable. “Don’t worry about it Dean, I know you’ll do what you can.”

"Don't worry about it," Dean muttered. That was always easy for Sam to say. "I _promise_ , Sammikins, that I will continue to do that." Dean screwed up his face and shrugged.

“Man,” Sam shook his head and looked away, pulling into the motel parking lot a moment later. “It would be so much easier if I just stopped having conversations with you.” Sam pulled into the spot in front of their room and climbed out of the car, tugging the keys with him and grabbing the food. “If you want the beer get the six pack in back.”

Dean sat there for a few long moments with only the sound of the slamming door ringing in his ears. From sex to doghouse in less than a twenty minute drive - that was a record even for him. Taking a deep breath, he reached over and grabbed the six pack and pushed his door open. At least Sam had left the motel door open which meant he wasn't completely doomed yet.

Poking his head around the door frame, Dean pressed his lips together. Sam was pulling the food out of the bags and setting it up on the table. Steeling himself, Dean slipped into the room quietly and closed the door behind him. "We in for the night?"

“Yeah, I’ll salt the door in a few. They gave us an extra burger, your lucky night.” Sam gave him a brief smile and dropped the extra burger on top of the first. “You got some hot date tonight you need to go to?” Sam arched his brow, turning to reach into his bag and pull out the salt. They’d been taking extra precautions for both their safety and even if it was just salt Sam slept a little better.

“No, just wanted to get comfy.” Dean shrugged and headed over to put the beer in the fridge. “You want a drink?”

“No.” Sam shook his head and headed for the door, tilting the container down to draw the line before straightening up and stepping back. “So did you have any plan ideas? Or should I start thinking about that?” He headed over to the table once more, gathering up his chicken wrap.

"Sam, why the sudden need to figure all this out right now? I mean, we know what's goin' on we just. I just-" Dean sighed and put all the beer in the fridge. Sam didn't seem to like it when he drank every night.

Kicking out of his boots, Dean shoved them under the desk and padded over to the table and sat down. So much of this whole mess was on Sam. It was Sam who could make or break the entire thing and that wasn't fair. Reaching across the table, Dean curled his fingers over Sam's wrist. "Listen. You're right; we gotta try and find Lilith. I'm just fuckin' terrified that-" Dean swallowed.

“I know Dean. I get it. I’m scared too.” Sam frowned and reached out, twisting his hand so he could slide his fingers over Dean’s. “But if I don’t stop it, someone else might go through with it. Then I’ll have that on my head too. And I want...” Sam sighed and squeezed Dean’s hand, releasing and looking over at the food. “I just think we need to stop it before it happens. Then things will move on.”

Nodding slowly, Dean pulled his hand back. "I'll start tomorrow. But I'm gonna have to ... go away for a while. I'll need to convince them that they can trust me. Will you. Will you wait for me?" The reality was that Dean still didn't believe one hundred per cent that he deserved someone like Sam.

“How long?” Sam asked quietly, his appetite rapidly decreasing. Looking up at Dean, Sam reached out for him once more, clutching at Dean’s arm. “Waiting isn’t a question. I just need to know, I. God, without you Dean? What about the blood? What about us? I...” Sam inhaled shakily and pulled his hand back. “Sorry, it’s not about that. Yes, I’ll wait. Just take care of yourself.”

 _What about the blood?_ Dean smiled sadly as he stood. "I'll leave some for you, my blood is different. Doesn't clot like yours."

Walking over to the fridge, Dean decided that he _would_ have that beer after all. "I don't know how long it will take, but I'll come back when I can."

“How will you find me?” Sam frowned, looking up at Dean and watching him move. He couldn’t begin to imagine any extended period without Dean; it made his chest ache just thinking about it. “Will you come back to me?” He dropped his gaze, wishing he’d never brought up the conversation in the first place. Sam wanted to be selfish and just keep Dean there, he hated the part of him that insisted he do the _right_ thing.

Dean's brow furrowed as his gaze moved quickly to Sam. As he turned he felt his eyes water up and blinked a few times. What a question to ask. "Will I come back? Sam, you're my _home_. We'll. We'll arrange a way ... I. The second motel in the phonebook or somethin'."

“Okay.” Sam nodded and shifted back, pushing up out of the chair and heading over to the bed side. He kicked off his shoes, running hands up through his hair. “I’ll wait for you. As long as it takes. Long as you don’t forget about me.” He laughed weakly and shrugged, beginning to undress just for something to do.

Taking a sip of his beer, Dean looked down at the carpet and scuffed at it with his socked feet. “You didn’t eat. You should eat, burned up a lot of energy today.”

“Not hungry. Just tired.” Sam wasn’t all that comforted by the way Dean didn’t make note of his not joking statement. He knew it was stupid to be worried about these things considering the grand scale of things that were to come. “When will you go then?” Down to nothing but his boxers, Sam dropped down onto the bed, constantly circling the reasons he had to let Dean go over in his mind.

"I dunno. How soon you want me to start? It's you that's pushing to get all this goin'." Dean took another swig of beer and stood, moving across the room silently. Setting his beer on the table, he leaned down, picked the rock salt up and started to lay lines of it in front of the windows.

“Great Dean. That’s- yeah, just keep talking like that. It makes everything better.” Sam noted dryly and rolled his eyes, tugging the blanket back and slipping under it before pulling it back over him. “Go whenever. Doesn’t change the facts.” Sam buried his head into the pillow, annoyed enough to clench the blanket tight between his fingers.

If this was a few short months ago Dean might have just left, disappeared, headed out without saying another word. But. He didn't do that now, primarily because he knew what it did to Sam. Putting the salt away, he sat down at the table and took a big gulp of beer. "What are the facts, Sam?"

Sam couldn’t believe that less than an hour ago he and Dean were tangled together in the heat of desire and passion and all those things Sam loved so much. Now they were like this, with Dean all the way over there and Sam fighting back tears. He certainly didn’t feel like any sort of warrior. “It doesn’t matter,” he whispered and sniffed, rubbing his eyes hard into the pillow to fight back against the tears.

If Dean knew one thing about himself it was that he absolutely _hated_ upsetting Sam, letting him down. Hell, he hated being responsible for Sam having any negative feelings at all.

Groaning, Dean pushed up off the chair and headed over to the bed. “Sammy?” He trailed his fingers in Sam’s hair and stared down at the back of his head.

“It’s okay.” Sam turned toward Dean, smiling soft and sadly up at him. “I’m not looking forward to you going. You don’t think I want that do you? I’m going to miss you and be scared, you know, for you.” Sam grabbed his hand and tugged him forward. “You know I love you Dean, right? Do you want to know why I’m so eager for this to be over with? Why I’m pressing it?”

Lying down on the cover, Dean shifted in close to Sam. “Sure, Sam. Tell me.”

“I know you don’t think this can happen, but I want normal life with you. If Lilith is gone, if we do this, then it’ll be you and me, yeah? We can hunt. Live as normal a life as we can.” Sam shrugged and looked down at his lap, wetting his lips. He was embarrassed by the words, knowing it was too domestic and sappy for Dean.

Smiling, Dean looked down at Sam’s fingers twined with his. “Sammy, hunting isn’t exactly a _normal_ life.” Sighing, Dean lifted his gaze and smiled warmly at Sam. “I mean, I get it - it makes sense, but...”

Sam was absolutely right, Dean _didn’t_ believe they could have that. In his most optimistic hopes, Sam managed to survive whatever hair brained scheme they came up with and live some sort of life that didn’t involve chasing after monsters and demons. He was never sure he factored into that at all.

“I know, you’ll never believe we can have it until we do. And probably even then you’ll doubt every day, thinking it’s the last.” Sam squeezed Dean’s hand under his and wet his lips again, nervous little twitches. “What if there was a way for you to be human?” He said in a rush, eyes snapping up to Dean then turning away. “What if there was a deal or something? You could be human, then we could have an absolutely normal life. We could get a home or...” Sam sighed and shook his head. “Sorry, I know you don’t like the _what if_ talk.”

Dean frowned and withdrew his hand so he could roll onto his back. “Sam, don’t. There’s no way to do that, it’s never been done and it never will be done. It’s just not the way that things are meant to work. Honestly. Do you think there’s a demon in existence with that kind of power? And why would they? If they even _had_ that ability why give it to me.”

Closing his eyes for a few moments, Dean sighed and turned his head back toward Sam. “I know that I mean a lot to you, and you know that... you’re. You’re my reason for everything. But out there in the big scheme of things - I’m nothing. I’m not that important.”

“You are that important.” Sam whispered and pursed his lips. How did you convince a demon that he was worth love and a life when he’d spent who knew how long in a hell dimension? “What if we didn’t look for a demon that could do it? What about an... angel? I mean, angels have all kinds of power, right? If you do this, if you save the world with me, they would owe you, right? Or they’d owe me and I could ask them to...”

"Sam, enough!" Dean sat up and dropped his head into his hands. The more Sam tried to come up with ideas to make everything seem more optimistic the worse Dean felt. Sam was just so untainted by Hell, by all the horror and filth Dean had seen in his time down below. It was easy for Sam to be hopeful. The only hope Dean had _was_ Sam.

Rubbing a hand roughly down his face, Dean pressed his eyes closed tightly. "Sammy, I've already said that I won't leave you unless something happens... something will have to take me from you. Isn't that enough? You said - you didn't mind... that I was a demon. Is that what this is about? You want me to be human."

“I just want to have you.” Sam shifted back on the bed, drawing his legs up and wrapping his arms around them. “Dean, we’re limited by everything. I know you’ll do all you can to be with me as long as possible, but what if you don’t even come back?” Sam sighed and slid hands up through his hair, tugging sharply at the locks before slumping back on the bed. “Sorry. This is stupid; I’ve always known what the truth is about our relationship. I want you just the way you are; you don’t have to be human.”

Shrugging, Dean flopped back down on the bed. "Sammy, I _love_ you. I don't think I've ever loved anyone the way I love you - I don't care how far back I can think or remember this feels different. There are times when I really wish I could be what you want me to be, give you everything you need, but I just...I give what I got to give, Sammy." Rolling onto his side, Dean stared hard at Sam's face. Sometimes, he worried that if he was gone ... if he got taken back he might forget what Sam looked like. That would be the worse punishment they could ever inflict on him.

When Sam stayed silent Dean shimmied closer. “What about if at first I just take off at night, while you’re sleeping? I could be back in the morning before you even woke up?” Reaching out, Dean poked at Sam’s hand gently. “What d’ya say?”

“Would they let you go?” Sam frowned and tried not to get caught up in worrying about what might happen to Dean in hell. “Will they know? Do you think they know the truth about us and what we’re doing? I mean, they probably know about me getting those demons, we are being tracked, right?”

Much as he hated it - Dean still had one card left unplaced. “They still think that I’m working _for_ them not against them. What if - I’ll just tell them - this is all part of the plan to get you to trust me. Building your powers up, so you’ll break the seal. I think I can convince Alastair.”

Dean couldn’t help the twitch at the corner of his mouth. The idea of seeing Alastair again was kind of terrifying, but Dean knew he loved Sam enough that he’d never betray the hunter. There was nothing Alastair could do that would make him give up Sam. _Nothing._

“Alastair?” Sam frowned and shook his head. “No. I changed my mind. You’re not going. We’ll find another way to get to Lilith. I’m not letting you near that sick fuck again.” Sam reached out for Dean, pulling him in close because the idea of letting him go to Alastair was terrifying. Last time Dean had come home in pieces, he wasn’t taking the risk again. “We’ll do something else Dean, you don’t need to risk things like that.”

Shrugging a shoulder, Dean put on his best smile. “It’s not a risk, Sammy. He thinks that he’s got me scared. Okay, he _does_ have me scared, but not the way he thinks.” Dean laughed softly, but it sounded a little flat.

Reaching up, he tucked two fingers under Sam’s chin. “C’mon it’s a good idea, right? I can tuck you in, make sure you’re safe and be back here before you even miss me.”

“And when you come in ripped to shreds because of that asshole?” Sam sighed and met Dean’s gaze. “God, we’re getting nowhere fast with this. Dean, you do what you think is best, okay? If you think you can make it work coming back each morning then I’ll take it, any extra time with you I’m claiming.” He shrugged and shifted back onto his pillow. “You’ll wait? Until tomorrow or something?”

“I’ll wait,” Dean muttered. Standing, he shed his clothes quickly and climbed into bed beside Sam. Nestling closer, he slid his hand over Sam’s hip and squeezed. “You said we shouldn’t go to bed mad. It’s one of those Sam human rules you gave me.” Sam thought Dean never paid attention to things like that, the little things Sam tried to tell him. He did.

“I’m not mad. Are you mad?” Sam twisted around and wrapped his arm around Dean, drawing him in closer and pressing his lips to Dean’s hair. He hated that Dean was going to Hell for this, Sam wanted to keep him from there, he wanted to protect Dean and it _hurt_ that he couldn’t.

"And you said it wasn't okay to say _well, do whatever you want_ 'cause that's like giving up on talkin' and stuff and you said we should talk through things and make decisions together." Dean smiled sadly and nuzzled against Sam's neck. The man still smelled so good. He was all sweat and sex, the scent of his old canvas jacket he wore all the time - all the things they did together, everything they were.

"Let's decide tomorrow what _we're_ gonna do. That's much more Sam-like." Dean laughed softly and tipped his head up so he could kiss Sam's jaw.

“Alright, tomorrow.” Sam nodded and dipped his head down, capturing Dean’s lips in his. He still loved kissing Dean, he figured he always would, and that was one of those things that made it hard to imagine leaving Dean. Or Dean leaving him. Sam couldn’t really stand the possibility.

It sparked a flare of something up in him and Sam curled long fingers in the back of Dean’s head, holding him close and kissing him deeper. There was a certain level of intensity and passion Sam knew Dean could feel, his leg slipped between Dean’s as he rolled on top of the demon and Sam’s heart twisted in his chest. He pulled back from Dean’s lips, staring down into emerald eyes. “Let me see you,” Sam whispered, kissing one side of Dean’s mouth, then the other.

Blinking his eyes quickly, Dean let go of the demon within him and felt his eyes settle into their more natural black. Smile fading a little, Dean shifted closer and breathed softly against Sam's lips. "I love you," he murmured.

“I love you too.” Sam smiled down at him, fingers lifting to trace over Dean’s jaw. “Just like this.” He sprawled out on top of Dean, burying his head into the demon’s neck. Sam had a thing about lying on Dean, since breathing wasn’t really required on his part Sam could get as close as he wanted. “Let’s just relocate to a deserted island in the middle of nowhere. No one will find us; we can get tans and swim in the ocean.”

Chuckling quietly, Dean kissed Sam's hair and breathed in slowly. "For a hunter? You're a bit of a hopeless romantic."

-=-=-=-

“We need to have some sort of sign.” Sam muttered around a bite of omelet, looking up toward the passing waitress and waving her off when she stopped for a moment. “If you’re gone for more than two days I’ll have to move. But I’ll leave like, I don’t know, coordinates? Or a message. Someway you know what city I’m going to. And then, second motel in the book. I’ll check in under uh... suggestions?”

"James Bond." Dean nodded and smirked as he took a big bite of toast.

“Dean, shut up.” Sam picked up a piece of hash brown and chucked it at Dean. “I’m trying to make a serious plan here. You’re going to _hell_.” Sam looked around because he’d spoken a bit too loud then sighed. “Something normal. Uh, Johnson? Smith? Any random name you could remember.”

"You just told me to shut up!" Dean mumbled. Peanut butter was sticky and he wasn't entirely sure he liked it on his toast. "Does peanut butter really have butter in it? 'Cause then that's like two kinds of butter on one piece of toast." Sometimes, Dean was amazed by how ridiculous things were now. It was probably a good thing that Dean had come back for a tour on Earth now before people were just swallowing pills instead of actually eating food.

Sighing slowly, Sam pinched at the bridge of his nose before setting down his fork. “You said we were talking about this today. I believe last night I gave us plenty of time to be distracted, today we focus. So, stop talking about the peanut butter.” Sam reached out for his coffee, taking a slow sip as he considered Dean.

"Uh, what's that guy's name. The guy your Dad used to work with… Bobby? Let's use that. Use his name. And the second motel room in the local phone book." Dean picked up the fruit that was on his plate as a garnish and put it on Sam's plate.

“Singer. I’ll check in as Bobby Singer in the second motel in the phone book.” Sam nodded, picking up the fruit and popping it into his mouth. “Only if two days have passed though. Otherwise, one day, I’ll stay at the same place. But if I do go, I’ll leave you a sign.” He hummed softly as he thought, distracting himself from the idea of Dean leaving by tapping along the table. “Coordinates?”

“Okay. That’ll work. Was so much easier when you didn’t have to carry a hex bag with you all the time. You ever need me, if they find you I mean. You get rid of it. Burn it so I can find you.” Dean put his fork down and pushed his plate away. “You promise if I’m not around you’ll salt the doors and stuff, put a Devil’s trap above the bed?”

“Dean, I’ve been living this life for a long time now. I can manage.” Sam smiled softly at him and dipped his head down. “I’ll just... do what I normally do. I’ll try and hunt and, I’ll watch my back and I’ll try not to miss you too much.” He shrugged and stabbed at his eggs. “Will you really try and come back each morning?”

“Yeah, I like watching the way you wake up. It’s all cute and stuff. Quite different from the beast you become once your eyes are open and you haven’t had your coffee yet. Maybe, each morning I’ll swing by a Starbucks on the way to the motel room.” Dean grinned and stretched his legs out under the table to rest them against Sam’s.

Sam half smiled for a moment before looking away and sighing. He knew Dean was joking around for the fun of it, or really to ease the stress, but he wasn’t in the mood for it. “Yeah alright.” He nodded and dropped his fork, pushing the plate away from him. “Will you go tonight? Or should we relocate first so I can stick around for a few days?” Sam already knew he was going to be miserable, but he squared his shoulders and hoped it wasn’t obvious on his face.

“Sam? I can read you like a book.” Dean sighed and reached across the table to take Sam’s hand between both of his. “It’s gonna be fine. Tomorrow we’ll move to a new motel and then when you’re asleep tomorrow night I’ll take off and I’ll be back before you’ve noticed I’m gone.” There was a little twinge of fear inside Dean’s chest but he ignored it and smiled.

“I’ll notice.” Sam said softly and squeezed Dean’s hand. “Of course I’m going to notice. I’ve gotten used to...” he trailed off and shrugged, wetting his lips slowly before looking up at Dean and smiling sadly. “Just you, to having you in bed with me is all. Gonna worry about you, you have to come back to me.” Sam wished he could go with Dean, but that was impossible and offering wouldn’t do anything but make Dean sad.

“How about if I don’t leave till you fall asleep. I used to appear then...remember?” Dean’s expression softened. Things had changed a lot in some ways and in so many other important ways they had stayed the same.

“Yeah, okay.” Sam nodded, knowing he had to give a little if this thing was going to work at all. He didn’t want Dean to go at all, but this had to be done. Years ago Sam had accepted that nothing in life was simple, that usually the things he wanted weren’t ever going to be easy. “Should I keep hunting like normal? Is there any other ways I can prepare?”

Tilting his head, Dean smiled. “Keep on huntin’. You’re good Sam and - people might need hunters like you a lot more over the next little while.” Call it instinct, but Dean had a bad feeling about the whole mess.

“Okay.” Sam nodded and bit down on his lip, tensing his shoulders for a moment before slumping back in the seat. “This is a bad idea.” He finally muttered and looked up at Dean with a wry smile. “You know that right?”

Laughing softly, Dean nodded. “Yup. But then, you know, some might argue that loving a demon was a bad idea.” Lifting his gaze, he waited for Sam to look up at him and flashed his eyes black quickly, a fraction of a second.

“You don’t get to throw that back in my face.” Sam muttered and gently kicked at Dean’s calf, the smile growing on his lips. “I think loving me in general isn’t the brightest thing either. Suppose that’s just our life, not like we’ll ever settle down, get married and live happily ever after.” Sometimes Sam wanted that, but it was a running joke mostly between them and any time he took it too seriously, Dean was quick to remind him how it couldn’t work.

“Maybe, I just wanna be the one to bring that up.” Dean smirked slightly and squeezed Sam’s hands tighter. “I just can’t see as far ahead as you, you know? I gotta focus. But you know there’s nothing wrong with a cabin by a lake - and a dog - no cats. Have I mentioned they don’t like me?”

“Once or twice.” Sam laughed and slid to the edge of the booth. He was pretty sure Dean was just humoring him and Sam was oddly okay with that. “Can we be normal today?” He asked quietly, pulling up his wallet to slip out a few bills. “Have a normal day before you go? Wasn’t there some movie out that you wanted to see?”

“Yeah, there’s a poster with a big flower on it and I think Brad Pitt might be in it.” Dean grinned and leaned back a little. As his fingers pulled slowly from Sam’s he felt the way his heart tugged a little. Leaving the next night wouldn’t be easy no matter what Sam thought. “Popcorn, with lots of butter, and I want you to sit _real_ close to me.” Winking, Dean picked up his coffee mug and took a sip.

“Alright.” Sam nodded and grinned, pushing up from the booth. “But I swear to god Dean, if you try and go down on me again in the middle of the theatre I will kick your ass. Last time, I swear those women knew what we were up to.” Sam grabbed Dean’s arm, tugging him out of the booth.

Dean let himself be hauled up and stumbled forward into Sam’s side. “If ya woulda sat in the back like I wanted it wouldn’t have been a problem.” Patting Sam on the cheek he darted ahead of him out of the restaurant.

Sam rolled his eyes and half waved at the waitress as he followed Dean. He was going to miss the demon, and it didn’t seem likely that he’d get any sleep; it would be him mostly waiting for the sun to come up so he could believe Dean was coming back. Sam couldn’t shake the feeling that something really bad was going to happen, but then, that was how most of his life worked.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean settled down beside Sam on the bed and wriggled up as close to him as he could. "You know how you're always asking me about before? You know, like when I was human?"

“Mmhmm,” Sam hummed softly, keeping his eyes closed and his arm tight around Dean. Maybe he was trying to keep him there, as if the hold on him could actually work. “And?”

Smiling, Dean nuzzled into Sam's hair. "I remember this storm once. My horse bolted and he was up on the crest of the hill and reared up and all I could see what his silhouette against the sky. Lightening and everything and then, before all the crap that was in the air you could smell the storm. Like this hint of energy or somethin'. Crazy. Oh. And swimming in the river. The water was so fresh, do you like that sound? I love falling asleep to the sound of running water." Dean sighed and rubbed the back of Sam's neck gently.

“Don’t have much experience with it.” Sam murmured and turned into Dean’s touch, smile growing on his lips. It was nice to hear Dean talk about ‘before’ in a good light. Sam was always wondering when it was, how many years ago. If he had to guess, he’d say somewhere around the 1800’s. “Maybe we should go camping sometime, sleep by the water again. Think you could still ride horses?”

“Sam. Please.” Dean scoffed. “Of course, you don’t forget things like that. ‘Sides, my ass is still shaped a bit like a saddle.” Grinning he pressed his lips softly to Sam’s.

“That’s impossible.” Sam laughed into the kiss and pulled Dean close, pressing their lips harder together for a long moment. He melted back into the bed, wishing this was just any other night. “What will you do first?”

“Hmm?” Dean was still stroking Sam’s neck; he could feel the tension there and didn’t like it very much. This was supposed to be easier than it was proving to be.

“When you leave, you’ll go to Hell? Will you go straight to Alastair? Or can you look other places for her first?” Sam kept asking Dean all these questions; he knew it had to be getting old, but he just couldn’t wrap his mind around what was about to happen.

"C'mon, Sammy. You're supposed to be falling asleep not winding yourself up even more by trying to figure out where I'll be and what I'll be doing." Dean nudged at Sam's nose with his own until the man tilted his lips up for another gentle kiss. "Be back by mornin' or you'll know the reason why."

“Right.” Sam nodded slowly and grasped Dean once more, kissing him hard for a long moment before falling back. He was panting softly and his heart was clenching painfully. Sam sank back onto his pillow and smiled sadly up at Dean. “Going to sleep now.” He mumbled and flipped over, tugging Dean up against his side and burying his nose into the demon’s hair.

“We could get a dog,” Dean said softly. “One of those big ones that you can wrestle with. A mutt though, you know, like from a shelter or something. A dog that needs to be loved.” Dean’s fingers moved in small circles on Sam’s chest. “Night, Sammy.”

For a few moments Sam let himself smile softly then he relaxed, letting the tension ease out of his shoulders. He wasn’t going to find any sleep tonight, there was no use really trying to, but he knew Dean wouldn’t leave until he thought he’d drifted off. So he forced his breath to slowly even out, let his grip on Dean loosen just barely. He could worry about the demon later, when he’d left, now he just savored the few moments he had left.

Dean wasn't entirely sure how long he lay there. It wasn't like he actually _wanted_ to leave Sam and he certainly didn't want to go back to hell. _Alastair_. Granted, the bastard might not be quite as anxious to shred Dean's skin on this upcoming visit, but still; _Alastair_ was a demon that gave Dean the chills. In reality, it was about Sam and Sam's safety.

Sam was the only important thing in Dean's existence. There was nothing else he really cared about. Sam _was_ going to be tailed and tormented, tracked like prey until they sorted this mess out. And the mess? Well, that was in no small part due to a really nasty demon who was inhabiting who knew what body. There had to be someone who knew where Lillith was and that someone, unfortunately, was likely to be Alastair.

Sighing, Dean shifted his fingers back from under Sam's and listened to the hunter's breathing. Slow and Deep. "Sam?" His voice was barely above a whisper.

It took a surprising amount of effort for Sam not to respond like he wanted to. He stayed still there, only barely shifting like Dean’s voice was washing over him and not waking him. Dean was going to say something and Sam wanted to know what it was, it took every inch of his hunter being to keep his heart from racing and his breath from quickening just waiting. Either that meant he was waiting for something or he was just so devoted to Dean anything the demon might say was worth it.

Sliding back a little, Dean stared at Sam's face. He had memorized everything about Sam's face; the exotic slant to his eyes, the moles that he sometimes traced a path between, his square jaw and the high cheek bones. Now, even in his sleep there was a very slight furrow in Sam's brow. _Worry_.

Dean kept his voice soft, fingers still riding the slow rise and fall of Sam's chest. "Sam, I'm scared. And, I wish I could tell you this while you were awake. It's just… you're so important. Not 'cause of what you're supposed to do ... just important to me. If I lost you, Sam, there'd just be nothing. Nothing. But I'm gonna make this right, no matter what." Shifting back a little bit more Dean took a shaky breath. "I want a home, Sam. A home and a stupid dog and, you. I want all that with you." Even though he was whispering Dean's voice broke and he squeezed his eyes shut for a few moments.

"I love you, Sammy." Leaning down he pressed his lips to Sam's forehead and disappeared.

The moment Dean was gone Sam felt the ache in his chest. It was painful, bringing tears to his eyes, but Sam pushed through it. He rolled over and gathered Dean’s pillow and pulled it up against his chest, holding on tight. “I love you too Dean,” he whispered and imagined that wherever Dean was now, he’d heard it and known. That would have to be enough for now.

-=-=-=-

Two weeks of this insanity and Sam was losing his mind. The sheer lack of sleep he was getting resulted in him passing out every couple of days, sleeping long pass Dean returning. It was made even worse on the days when Dean didn’t come back. Sam hated trying to keep going with life, looking for cases, pretending like he wasn’t constantly looking for Dean around every corner. He even found himself half starting side comments about various people and things until he realized Dean was gone.

The times that he did have with Dean, he ended up pinning him to the bed most often, claiming him, trying to wash away all lingering wisps of Hell. Sometimes Dean wouldn’t talk about what happened, sometimes Sam could see the sadness in his eyes and he wished he had something more to do to help. But he held Dean, kissed him, kept him grounded to the humanity he’d gained over their months together.

On most occasions a hex bag went everywhere with Sam. He knew now, with Dean pressing in on things in Hell, the demons knew how vulnerable he was and could easily take advantage of their time apart. So he wasn’t going to take risks. Only he was going on day three without Dean around and Sam was worried, the ache in his chest so tight it felt like he was breaking and Sam wasn’t in his right mind.

So when Sam headed out to the diner for lunch, he wasn’t even thinking about the lack of a hex bag. Sam was in full on zombie mode, hadn’t slept for three days and really was only outside because the motel room was starting to stink. He’d left a note in the room that told Dean he would be back, to not go anywhere, but Sam didn’t think Dean was going to be back yet. Something in him said it would be awhile.

Sam sat outside on a park bench, giving up on the idea of eating and trying to let the sunshine warm him. It should have been normal, there shouldn’t have been anyone following him, but Sam was unprotected. So when there was suddenly a man sitting next to him, dark hair, pale skin, blue eyes and for some reason a tan trench coat, Sam’s shoulders were tensing.

“I don’t want to fight; I’m not in the mood. Can you just throw yourself on this blade?” Sam pulled the demon knife out from the strap around his calf, looking over at the man who probably wasn’t human. After all, he’d literally appeared from nowhere.

“Sam Winchester, we must talk.”

Sam groaned and shook his head. He was not in the mood for this. And he had bad experience with creatures all around except for Dean. He wasn’t looking for another Dean at the moment. “So you won’t just throw yourself on the blade?”

"Actually, that blade in particular won't do anything to me. You think I'm a demon." The man shifted forward slightly and rested his arms across his thighs.

“And you’re expecting me to just believe that?” Sam arched his brows at the man and frowned. He really wasn’t in the mood for this and the guy seemed so serious, like he’d never smiled in his entire life. Joy. “What are you supposed to be?”

“I’m an angel of the Lord, Sam. I’m not a demon.” Turning slightly, the angel fixed his ice blue eyes on Sam’s.

Sam blinked at the man - angel? - And his lips twitched in a slight smile. This was unbelievable. But then, he was a hunter who was in love with a demon, he should be pretty used to the absurd. “Prove it.” Sam finally said, leaning back against the bench and gesturing toward him.

"I was warned that you would be skeptical. You should have faith in some things, Sam." The sky darkened above them, clouds moving quickly in a sudden and harsh wind. Standing, the angel moved a step forward and as his shoulders curled forward large shadows began to curl into existence behind him. As the shadow darkened and extended it began to pull together, take on a form, the form of huge wings. They extended once, moved forward gently and sent a burst of air toward Sam then disappeared. “I’m Castiel.”

Sam’s eyes were wide but he schooled back the rest of his features. Castiel, the angel, apparently wanted to have some words with him and Sam couldn’t imagine that was a good thing. “Alright,” he finally said when he felt maybe like he’d absorbed the idea of _wings_ , giant and moving toward him. How did these things keep finding Sam? “I don’t suppose you’re coming to give me good news.”

“Sam, the seals are breaking. Lilith has begun breaking them. There are things that I don’t know, but what I _do_ know is that you have a large part to play in all of this.” Castiel stood there, statue still as the wind tousled his hair gently.

“Uh huh.” Sam sat back, eyes fixed on Castiel. He didn’t know what exactly the seals were and he made a mental note to ask Dean about it, but kept his gaze focused on the angel unwavering. “So uh, are you here to tell me about this big part? Because I can tell you I already know about it, I’m on, we’re all set.” Sam gave him a thumbs up and pushed off the bench, standing up and looking down at the angel. “Thanks for dropping by though, good to know angels are real too.”

“We’re soldiers, my brothers and sisters are dying to protect you, Sam. I think you’re taking this too lightly. You _do_ understand that when the final seal breaks, Lucifer will rise?” Castiel took a step closer, head tilting to the side again as he studied Sam’s face.

“I won’t let the final seal break.” Sam said flatly, looking over at him. There was definitely something unnerving about the angel’s eyes and Sam had to look away. “I’m already working on that. I hardly think you know me like you seem to think you do. Aren’t you at all surprised that I know about this? Or do you think you know about that too?” Sam was fishing for information, trying to see if Castiel knew about Dean, if the angels were looking for Dean then Sam would have to warn him.

Standing there for a few long moments, Castiel simply stared. Blinking slowly he looked off into the distance as though listening to some faint sound. “Sam, be careful who you trust. If there is one thing you can be certain of - it’s that things aren’t what they seem. Be careful.”

“If you’re talking about-” Sam spun around, completely prepared to defend Dean to the angel. Only the air echoed with a rush of wings and suddenly the angel was gone. “What? It’s impossible for you otherworldly beings to say goodbye?” Sam looked up to the sky and groaned, turning around and heading back to his car. So far, not so good.

-=-=-=-

Sam was just barely back at the motel when there was a knock on the door. The hex bags were there though and Sam had taken extra care not to be followed. He had taken the time to think about Castiel too, the warning, trying to figure out what they might know. There hadn’t been any mention of Dean; Sam wanted to be comforted by that.

Crossing the room quickly, Sam waited by the door before turning the lock, pulling it open and sighing in relieve at Dean’s presence. “Jesus Dean, it’s been three days. I was so worried.” Sam reached out for Dean, tugging him close and pulling him into the room. Sam couldn’t help it; he held Dean up against his chest and wrapped arms tight around him, dipping down to kiss him before he had a chance to speak.

Really the only word that Dean would even think of trying to get out was Sam's name but it didn't matter. The feel of Sam's lips was soothing and sweet, rough enough to bring Dean _back_. Leaning forward into Sam's arms, Dean sighed softly as their lips slowed then parted finally. "I missed you," he murmured.

“I missed you too.” Sam whispered and pushed the door shut, dragging Dean with him across the motel room. “Are you hurt at all? Where have you been?” Sam pushed at Dean’s coat, tossing it across the chair and automatically checking Dean for any injuries. The pain in his chest felt so much better, knowing Dean was here and safe.

"Better now." Dean was happy to have Sam's hands on him, his touch was the one thing that Dean _knew_ he could trust. _Sam_. "Was tough. I ... I hate being away from you for this long." Draping his arms over Sam's shoulders Dean smiled up at him wearily. “Been so hard I’m _actually_ tired.”

“I know. Don’t think I’ve slept the whole time.” Sam whispered and pulled Dean’s shirt off, still checking over his back to make sure there weren’t any injuries. “Come on, I want to take care of you,” he murmured and pulled Dean in close once more, gently kissing him. He always felt like he needed to show Dean more affection then normal after moments like these. Three days in hell? Dean needed the reminder that he was more than that now. “What do you need? Food? Sleep? Me?”

Laughing softly, Dean winced slightly and dipped his head down to hide it for a moment then looked back up. "I'm good now, Sammy, honest. Just needed to be with you. Stayed longer 'cause I was onto someth- _Fuck_ you're gorgeous." It just kind of hit him, the way Sam was the opposite of everything that Dean had been seeing and feeling. His eyes welled with tears and his vision blurred slightly.

Sam smiled softly down at Dean and pulled him in close, not wanting to get too far from the demon. “I missed you, so much.” Sam sighed shakily and pulled at Dean’s waistline, stripping him down to his boxers. “We’re lying down. I’m not letting you go for days, you’re not going anywhere for a while, okay?” Sam smiled softly and stepped back long enough to tug his clothes off.

He couldn’t help it really, the longer Dean was gone the more Sam realized how much he wanted him, needed him. Tugging the blankets back, Sam pulled Dean with him onto the bed, holding him close. “Not gonna let you go.”

Dean buried his face in Sam's neck and breathed in slowly. "Sam, it's ... it's not good down there. I-" He hated it, and even _hate_ wasn't a strong enough word. Even the times Sam had asked him to describe it Dean had found himself without words, without a way to make Sam understand the depths of the corruption, the seediness, the filth. It was impossible.

“I know Dean,” Sam whispered and cupped the back of Dean’s neck, stroking fingers through the soft locks. “I wish you didn’t have to go back there.” Sam didn’t want to ask about the business stuff right away but he knew it was fresh in Dean’s mind so he sighed and scraped his nails over Dean’s scalp. “Was it worth it? Were you onto something big?”

"Well," Dean breathed softly against Sam's neck for a few more moments then pulled back. I know where we can't end up... St. Mary's Convent, Ilchester, Maryland. That's where it's all gonna kinda blow up." Dean's mind was kind of swimming with details, with information and more importantly, with the way Sam's arms were wrapped around him.

“Wow. That’s... god Dean, that’s a major thing.” Sam smiled slightly, relieved to know that all of Dean’s searching in Hell hadn’t been for nothing. “So we can go there. Is that where she would be?” Sam slid his hands down Dean’s bare back, massaging softly with his fingertips. In his opinion the sooner they finished with the business talk the better, they could get on to the more important things.

"I don't know, Sam," Dean whispered. His lips moved softly on Sam's neck and some gentle part of him needed more of it. "Not yet," he murmured. Letting out a soft sound of pleasure, Dean pressed up against Sam's chest and dragged his mouth down the man's neck. His body knew this place, this hard muscle, this soft smooth skin and the smell of his lover.

“Are we waiting for the seals?” Sam asked quietly, wetting his lips uncertainly. He didn’t want to get into the conversation of things Dean hadn’t told him, but he wasn’t even sure if that was the case or not. It was always touch and go with the hardest subjects. “The seals that bring Lucifer?”

"The... the seals? How- Sam?" Dean shifted back, a hand pressed against Sam's chest. There was no way that Sam could have found that out unless... "Who have you been talking to?" His fingers slid up into Sam's hair and gripped tightly. "Who, Sam, tell me."

Heat burned through Sam before he could help it and he half shrugged, turning his gaze away. “I had a visit today. From... an angel.” He wet his lips uncertainly and let his eyes lock on Dean’s. “He seemed to know a lot about things, the seals. So, you knew about them then?”

"Sam, don't be stupid, you didn't talk to an _angel_ ," Dean spat. "It was a demon. ... wait - how did they even find you?" Dean rolled back away from Sam and sat up. "I trusted you to stay safe, not to just go out and talk- what the _fuck_ were you thinking?"

“Hey!” Sam sat up as well, scowling at Dean. “Excuse me, I was out of my mind worrying about you, I slipped up and forgot the hex bag. Don’t give me shit, I wasn’t in danger. This just... this angel. He _was_ an angel, Dean. I saw his wings. Castiel. Doesn’t seem like her knows a lot about you.” Sam frowned and shook his head. “I forgot the bag; it was just for a few minutes. I wasn’t thinking.”

“No. You weren’t, Sam. You think I’m doing all this because I fuckin’ like it? I’m doing this to try and keep you safe and if you’re out there lettin’ yourself be fooled into thinking you’re talkin’ to angels... well, shit...” Sliding his hands up through his hair, Dean gripped tightly and groaned.

“He had wings,” Sam said quietly, shoulders slumping as he stared down at his lap. He hadn’t thought about Dean getting this upset with him, he knew he’d messed up, but it hadn’t felt like the worst thing he could have done. “He didn’t hurt me Dean, and I had my knife. Believe it or not I _can_ take care of myself.”

"What did he tell you about the seals?" Dean's eyes narrowed and he folded his arms across his chest protectively. This was all going wrong, all of it, he just wanted to lay down with Sam and sleep for a thousand years and here they were arguing.

“What do you know about the seals?” Sam shot back, looking over at Dean and pursing his lips. “Why are you really mad, Dean? I’m not hurt, I slipped up, but it turned out alright in the end. Well minus the creepy blue eyed angel with the trench coat thing, but he didn’t hurt me so...” Sam slid to the edge of the bed, dropping his legs over the side. “What are you not telling me?”

Dean opened his mouth to answer then closed it and looked down at his hands. The skin on his palms was rough and dry, his fingernails ragged, and his hands were trembling slightly. "Lucifer. Lilith is breaking the seals to bring Lucifer back and ... you. You're the one who is supposed to break the last seal." Dean's shoulders slumped and he closed his eyes. It was a bit like being on a never ending treadmill, trudging forward with no relief in sight.

Turning his head slightly, Dean looked up at Sam’s wide eyes. “I was gonna tell you, you didn’t give me a chance. I just... I wanted to just be with you...”

“So all of this...” Sam frowned down at his lap, not even sure how to process this new information. Why did it always feel like he was being hit on all sides and never given a chance to settle into the facts. “Why are we even doing this, Dean? Why are we looking for Lilith then? If I’m supposed to break the last seal, shouldn’t I be getting as far away from Lilith as possible? Jesus, was the fucking angel right?”

"That's the thing, Sam. I don't know. All i know is where it will happen. I don't know what she's gonna do - I mean, maybe you're the only one who _can_ stop her. I _don't_ know. Tried to stay longer and I ... and I was worried that something might be wrong with you - leaving you here. I said I'd come back..." Dean's mind felt like it was kind of melting. Of all the possibilities, he and Sam ending up split by this - torn apart hadn't even occurred to him. "I trusted you, Sam. You need to trust me."

“You trusted me? Or you trust me?” Sam turned slightly, looking over at Dean with wide eyes. “Dean, you have to stop keeping things from me. I need to know everything. That secret? It’s pretty damn major. I do trust you so don’t make me lose that.”

Dean didn't mean to yell, but everything was kind of bursting out of him. "I kept it from you for ten minutes, Sam!" Scooting to the end of the bed, Dean stood and paced over to the window to check for salt. Everything inside of him was aching, hurting. " _You_ don't trust _me_ , Sam, if you think that I would keep something like that from you."

Leaning his forehead against the cool glass, Dean sighed and dragged his fingers down the window.

Staring at Dean’s back, Sam frowned slightly and pushed up to his feet and crossed to him, stopping a few feet away. “Stop it, Dean.” Sam whispered and reached out, curling fingers over his shoulder. “Stop saying I don’t trust you. You know I do. I didn’t realize you’d just learned... look, this is all going to shit and I didn’t mean for that to happen. Just like I didn’t mean to forget about the bag and the Castiel thing.”

Sam sighed and stepped a little closer. “Can’t we both just be happy again? I’ve waited so long to see you.”

Dean's breath fogged up the window in front of him and he drew a line in it with his finger. "If he really is an angel, he'll make you hate me."

“I love you,” Sam insisted softly, squeezing Dean’s shoulder once more. “You know I do. Some angel coming in saying I’ve got to be careful isn’t going to change that.” He stepped a little closer, slowly sliding his arm around Dean’s chest. “I’m in love with you. I want a home, and a stupid dog.” He repeated the words from before, murmuring them against Dean’s hair.

Dean's lips twitched into a slight smile. "Sounds like somethin' I would say." Turning slowly in Sam's arms, Dean circled his arms round Sam's waist and stepped into his warmth. "I swear. I was gonna tell you ... I just. I just wanted you. Just for a little while."

“I know. I wanted to get the business shit out of the way, but maybe it’s better to wait for a while.” Sam pressed his lips hard into Dean’s temple. “Let’s just be us for a bit, yeah? We can talk about the other shit later.” Sam tugged Dean back to the bed, smile pulling at his lips. “I mean, it’s not like Lucifer can really rise without me, right? So they’ll wait for a while and I’ll reacquaint myself with you.”

It sounded pretty good to Dean, but then, after three days in hell and listening to Alastair droning on at him, why wouldn't it? He let himself be pulled back to the bed and sank down on to it gratefully. The bed smelled like Sam, the sheets were just rough enough and Dean sank back onto the soft mattress.

“We’ll make it through this,” Sam murmured and rolled on top of Dean, pressing familiar and pleasant warmth down into the mattress. He couldn’t even handle the idea of letting Dean go again even though he knew he’d have to. Apparently, being in love wasn’t an easy thing. “Promise you won’t go again for a couple days? Let me have you for a while?”

Sighing deeply, Dean nodded slowly, his eyes never leaving Sam's. "A couple days, yeah. Think that's a good idea." His heart was beating a little faster, his eyelids heavier, breathing falling into that _Sam_ rhythm.

“I need you Dean,” Sam whispered, sliding his parted lips over Dean’s jaw and along his mouth. His body was already moving forward, desire curling through him like it always did when Dean was part of the equation. “I can’t even tell you how much I missed you.” He rolled his body forward, sliding his tongue forward to sweep along Dean’s lower lip.

Parting his legs, Dean moaned softly when Sam settled between them. Every time their bodies were pressed so close together Dean was almost convinced he could hear Sam's heartbeat, _feel_ it, the way it sped up. He caught Sam's tongue as it brushed along his lips and sucked on it gently before pressing up into the kiss. Just like that, his lips parted, and the tension started to melt away from his body with each pass of Sam's lips.

Sam kissed Dean _hard_ , pressing forward with his body and chasing after the desire and heat coursing through him. His teeth caught on Dean’s lower lip and pulled, splitting the skin. The first burst of blood across Sam’s tongue had him groaning and pressing in for more, tongue passing swiftly over the cut. The blood was like a pure jolt of adrenaline, Sam could pretend like he didn’t miss it when Dean was gone, but he always did. And the desire for it was ten times as strong the moment he tasted it once more.

Arching up into the heat of Sam's body, Dean reached back to slap at the pillow and shove it out of the way. The knife was right where he knew it would be and in one continuous arch he brought it up and slid it along the skin of his throat. The pain startled him, shocked him back to the moment and he pulled away from the kiss to bare the wound to Sam.

“God, Dean.” Sam moaned and dipped down, dragging his tongue up the full length of the cut. The gush of blood across his tongue was maddening and Sam shifted forward, eager and restless for more. He could feel the ever present energy, the way it sparked through him, almost too much. Moments like these, Sam just wanted to devour Dean, nothing was ever close enough, he always wanted _more_. “Did you miss this?” He lifted up long enough to mutter the question, latching onto the skin a moment later.

"Yes," Dean hissed. Everything focused down to Sam's mouth; the heat of it, the gentle sucking and _fuck_ the exquisite pain of his tongue moving across the wound. Hands restless on Sam's back, Dean moaned and his hips rocked up to press his aching cock against Sam's thigh.

The blood moving between them was like some kind of crazy connection and for a few moments Dean became convinced their hearts were beating at the same time, in some kind of agreed upon rhythm. Then Sam's mouth was gone and Dean whimpered softly at the loss only to have the sound swallowed up by Sam's kiss.

The need for skin on skin was too great for Sam to ignore and he pushed up onto his knees, keeping his lips locked with Dean’s as a hand slid down between them. He wiggled out of his own boxers, pushing them down until he could kick out of them before snagging Dean’s and tugging hard. Sam heard the tear of fabric and he jerked back from the kiss, grinning down at Dean.

A few more sharp tugs and Sam had Dean’s boxers off, ripped nearly in half, but whatever. He could still taste blood on his tongue and the hard press of Dean’s lips and his eyes locked with Dean’s, held there as he slid his body forward in one smooth glide, their cocks pressing and moving together. Sam moaned and dropped down to suck along Dean’s cut once more, hips continuing to move against Dean’s.

"F..fuck, Sam, please..." Dean curled his arm tight around Sam's neck, holding him there, mouth pressed against the wound. Sam was drawing up the blood like it was life itself and as much as he was able Dean curled his entire body around his lover. Their hips slid together, Sam's bearing down hard on Dean, pushing moan after moan from his lips.

Sam could feel the slick beads of sweat forming along his skin and he pulled back from the cut, panting softly as his body continued to move against Dean’s. It wasn’t hard enough or fast enough, but it was maddening all the same, making Sam’s heart clench and tighten in his chest. Sam moaned his lover’s name and once more kissed his way back up Dean’s jaw, smearing blood over his skin until their lips could meet once more.

Shaking, teetering on the edge of losing control, Dean clung to Sam. His mouth was open wide under Sam’s and the taste of his own blood assailed his senses, making desire coil tight inside him. All the nerves in his body were on edge, tingling, everything was alive and Dean growled into the kiss, feeling that familiar sensation of energy moving between them.

The way Dean sucked on his tongue, pulled his body closer, was driving Sam insane and he moaned into the kiss, rolling his body down for _more_. When it hit him he was caught off guard, his hips snapping forward and his cock driving hard against Dean’s before he lost all control. Breath catching in his throat, Sam’s orgasm flared through him and he pulled back from the kiss, dropping onto Dean’s neck as he fought to catch his breath.

As Sam shuddered against Dean's body everything kind of fell apart inside him. Shaking and moaning, Dean's hips stuttered up hard against Sam's once more and he came. He thrashed uselessly under Sam's weight as wave after wave of pleasure crashed over him, drowning him in the sensation of _Sam_.

Their release mingled, hot and wet between their bodies and Dean simply held on to Sam. His trembling fingers moved over his lover's back, making each part of Sam his and letting Sam's presence wash away the lingering taint of Hell.

Slumping against Dean’s body, Sam hummed quietly, his hips still slowly rocking forward. “God I missed you,” he murmured and rocked forward, slipping his arms under Dean’s body and pulling him close. He never got tired of having Dean held tight against his body.

“I wish this was all different,” Dean murmured sleepily.

“Not all of it,” Sam whispered, rolling to his side to grab Dean and pull him close. “Not all of it has to be different, right?” He felt young saying it, like he was just a little boy and Dean had to reassure him of his very existence.

“Just the stuff that keeps us apart, runnin’.” Dean smiled and let Sam fold him into his arms. Sometimes, the way Sam held him was kind of terrifying; it was like he was the _one_ thing that mattered to Sam, kept him going. “Sammy, I’m _so_ tired.”

Nestling closer, Dean didn’t care about their bodies being sticky with their release, the mingling scent of their sweat. Closing his eyes, he just breathed in _them_ and smiled, lips moving gently against Sam’s neck.

“I know, let’s sleep.” Sam’s grip loosened just barely and he sank back into the mattress, pulling the blanket over them. He rolled slightly, grabbing his shirt from the floor and quickly cleaning Dean and himself before settling back. “I love you Dean,” he murmured, gathering Dean close once more.

“I know,” Dean’s smile warmed for a few moments before he drifted off.

-=-=-=-

“Sam?” Dean had wrestled his way out of Sam’s arms and rolled over to straddle the hunter’s hips the moment he awoke. Waking up with Sam next to him felt like the most remarkable thing in the world compared to what he’d been through in Hell. “Sammy.” He shook Sam’s shoulders gently and saw the man’s lips twitch slightly.

“Oh, you’re awake, Sam. I can tell. I’m a demon not an idiot.” Dean grinned and wriggled his ass slightly against Sam’s crotch before leaning forward and planting his hands on either side of Sam’s head. “OOoooh Sammy. I waaant some breakfast.”

Ducking his head down, Dean nipped at Sam’s neck and then dragged his tongue all the way back up until he could kiss the tip of Sam’s nose. Sam shifted beneath him and Dean could tell the man was trying not to smile.

“You’re awful annoying for so early in the morning.” Sam mumbled and barely peeked an eye open. “Let me guess, you want waffles and bacon? Coffee? Donuts? There’s an IHOP in town. _Dean_ stop wiggling.”

“Yes, to everything. And I want to shower with you. And I wanna wear your Indian motorcycles t-shirt. Is it clean?” Dean settled back down on his ass and dragged his hands down Sam’s bare chest. “I missed you.”

Sam groaned softly and gave up on the idea of getting any more sleep. He rolled Dean over, planting him on the mattress and grinning down at him. “Love you like this.” He murmured and kissed Dean deeply for a long moment before pulling back. “And I washed the shirt yesterday, knew you’d want to wear it when you got back.”

Slipping his fingers through Sam's hair, Dean grinned. "What am I like?" He said softly, his brow wrinkling slightly.

“Happy.” Sam murmured, smiling down at Dean before rolling off him and dropping down onto the bed. “Do we have to get up? Can’t you just, vanish into the kitchen of IHOP; get the food and poof on back? Breakfast in bed?”

“I’m naked. I would get in trouble.” Dean grinned and rolled onto his side so he could stare at Sam’s profile. “Good breakfast, coffee, we’ll take your computer and go plan.”

“Plan.” Sam huffed but smiled softly over at Dean, sliding fingers up into his hair. “What kind of stupid dog are we gonna get?”

Dean's smile wavered slightly. "I meant what we're gonna do with the-" he cleared his throat and reached out to rub his finger along the shallow indentation just above Sam's hips. "Husky. I want a husky but somethin' mixed with a wolf or a dingo - a little bit batshit."

“Ah yeah, sounds like your kind of dog.” Sam grinned over at him and squeezed his hand in Dean’s hair. “And I know you didn’t mean the dog. Was just wondering.” He smiled sadly at Dean for a long moment before pushing up. “Shower?”

“Together?” Dean rolled over and slid off the end of the bed. Reaching out, he grabbed Sam’s hand and tugged him toward the bathroom. “I’ve been thinkin’.”

“Sounds dangerous.” Sam laughed softly, allowing Dean to pull him across the motel room and into the bathroom. “Thinkin’ about what?” He slid his hand down Dean’s back, curving over his ass and squeezing.

As he bent down to turn the shower on Dean grinned and made sure Sam had a good vantage point to see his ass. “Well, about this business of _after_. You know, if there’s an after and what it’ll be. I was thinking maybe I could get a truck.”

The smile on Sam’s lips grew a little and he dragged his nails over Dean’s ass for a moment, inching forward. “Yeah? I could see you in a truck.” Sam inched closer to Dean, pressing up against him with purpose. “And our Husky wolf dog could ride in the back; we could get a cabin at the lake side, secluded. I could fuck you on the front porch.” Sam smirked, fingers trailing up Dean’s spine.

Dean let his eyes flicker to black, not even bothering to hide them. Stepping into the tub quickly, he stood under the water and held out his hand for Sam to join him. Sam was a lot of things, strong, a hunter, and the perfect man really to keep a handle on someone like Dean. Most of all? Sam was incredibly hot when he was wet.

“Missed you,” Sam murmured as he crowded into the tub, stepping under the spray and pulling Dean in. His eyes scanned over Dean’s, losing himself in the black. Sam had wondered, more than once, if there was something wrong with him wanting to see that darkness, but it wasn’t like other demons did something to him. Just Dean. “When it’s over, _when_ we win, I’ll let you pick out the curtains for our home.”

"We don't need 'em. Sunshine... and we can see the snow and the rain. Can we... can we have sex in the rain?" His hands slid easily down Sam's sides and his thumbs dug into the front of the man's hips. "Sam." He didn't need to finish the request for Sam to know what he wanted. Widening his stance Dean slid around in Sam's arms and pressed back against the hunter's body.

“Yeah, we can have sex in the rain,” Sam murmured and slid his hands down Dean’s sides, one falling between them to pressing along Dean’s ass. “Can have sex everywhere, gonna take you around every inch of the house.” He chuckled softly and dipped down, sucking along Dean’s neck. “God, it’s lethal how much I want you.” He rolled his cock forward along Dean’s water slick skin, already painfully hard.

Putting one foot up on the side of the tub, Dean pushed his ass back hard against Sam's hard flesh. "I want you now, _right now_." Dean's hands slapped against the tiled wall and his back arched. Sam's lips were slick and wet against his skin, the water just the right temperature as it hammered against Dean's chest.

“Been a few days,” Sam noted, almost off hand as he stepped slightly back from Dean and trailed his nails down the demon’s back. “Gonna hurt. Should take my time with you, stretch you open.” Sam’s fingers dipped down, trailing low on Dean’s body until the tip was rubbing slow circles along the puckered entrance. “You don’t want that though do you? Just want me to take you, hard and fast, right here.” Sam was almost growling the words, eyes fluttering closed as the head of his cock slid over Dean’s ass.

Dean was already pushing back onto Sam's finger, groaning softly when Sam pulled back slightly. "You know. You know what I want, Sam." Dean reached back with one hand to slid his palm over his own ass. "C'mon." Sam was making him a little crazy; he just wanted him, inside him, claiming him, making him feel _right_.

“I know, Dean.” Sam murmured and slid to the side, grabbing the nearest bottle of conditioner. A smirk played across his lips for a moment before he was slicking up his skin, inching forward. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t miss being in Dean, that level of connection between them. “Love being in you,” he whispered against Dean’s ear and wrapped an arm around Dean’s middle, lifting him just slightly off the ground and nearly lowering Dean onto his cock as he thrust hard forward up into him.

"Fuckin' He-" Dean's moan eclipsed the rest of his words. Lust speared through his body at the same time as his lover's cock shoved into him. It hurt and it burned, the pain blinded Dean for a few moments and he panted hard and fast. Sliding his hand over Sam's arm he held on tight, keeping still long enough to enjoy the sensation. Shivering even as the hot water pelted down on him, Dean rocked his hips forward tentatively.

“God, you just want it.” Sam groaned and half bent over Dean’s back, pulling back and thrusting slowly back in. Tight muscle gripped him on every side, drawing him in and clenching before he was pulling back and missing the heat. The part of him that wanted Dean more than anything else in the world had his pace instantly quickening, hips snapping forward to drive hard into his lover. “Dean,” he moaned low in his throat and tightened his arm around Dean’s waist.

Dean's heart beat fast, thumping away in his chest like a sledgehammer. Each thrust forward of Sam's cock sent shock waves of pleasure racing through Dean's body. Yeah, he wanted it, _this_. Being Sam's was more important than anything. _Anything_. Arching back hard, he slammed his ass back, impaling himself on the hunter's rigid flesh. A moan tore out of his lips as the tip of Sam's cock skimmed his prostrate and Dean's world started to melt around him.

Hand sliding down, Sam stretched his fingers around Dean’s cock and stroked in quick time with his hard thrusts. He needed to reclaim Dean, make all that time in Hell go away, make sure no part of him doubted who he belonged to. “Dean,” he gasped again as Dean’s body jerked hard back against his. Sam’s hips snapped painfully hard forward, their bodies colliding with hard crashes as he thrust hard into his lover.

Hands scrabbling at the tile, Dean fell forward and Sam fell with him, his hips still snapping hard against Dean's ass. The tile was smooth against Dean's cheek and he panted hard, water splashing off Sam's shoulder and gushing down between them. Every few thrusts Sam's cock slammed against Dean's sweet spot and all he could do was moan and try and keep his legs under him for just long enough.

His orgasm swelled up quickly, sliding around his spine and crushing the breath right out of his body. Crying out, Dean jolted forward as he came. His hands slid down the wet tile and he gasped softly as Sam fucked hard into him.

Pleasure pulled sharp through him and Sam groaned, rocking his body hard forward, his orgasm slamming hard through him. Sam slouched over Dean as he rode out his release, eyes clenched tightly shut, grip strong on the demon. “Jesus, that never gets old.” He laughed softly, still breathless, holding Dean against his chest.

"Good thing," Dean panted, "you can hold me up when you have to." Closing his eyes, Dean let his forehead rest against the tiles and reached down to slid his fingers through Sam's.

“Let’s see how long that lasts,” Sam laughed softly, shoulders shaking slightly as he pulled back. “How hungry are you exactly?

"What's the matter, Sammy? You need more rest?" Dean laughed softly, but he wouldn't have any trouble agreeing if that's what Sam wanted.

“No, just want you in bed more.” Sam nipped at his shoulder before withdrawing completely, stepping back into the water. Thankfully it was still warm but he knew that wasn’t going to last forever. “I could be amazing and go get us breakfast.”

“But you’re not gonna? I can do it if you want some sleep.” Dean snatched up the soap and rubbed it quickly over his body as he called out over the shower sounds. If Dean went by himself he could get three times the amount of syrup without Sam nagging at him about healthy eating and keeping his body alive.

“So you can get extra donuts and eat them along the way before you get home so I don’t know about them?” Sam laughed softly and shook his head. He nudged Dean out of the way, stepping forward to wash himself off.

“Sam, I would _never_.” Dean laughed and grabbed the washcloth to move it gently over Sam’s back. “Seriously,” he rested his chin on Sam’s shoulder, “you go lie down again and I’ll bring you back a nice breakfast and some fresh, hot coffee just the way you like it. How’s that sound?”

“Tempting.” Sam admitted and closed his eyes, sighing softly. “Take a hex bag?” He did want to lie back down and he knew Dean would come back faster if the prospect of a naked Sam was in bed waiting.

“I will.” Dean kissed the back of Sam’s neck and stepped back so he could smooth his hand over the hunter’s ass. “Take your time, I’ll be back soon.” Stepping out of the shower, Dean snagged a towel and dried off.

Smile still on his lips, Sam leaned out of the shower long enough to watch Dean’s ass disappear out the bathroom door before he stepped back under the spray. He knew how much was to come, how uncertain their future was, but he could be glad for the little things. Dean was certainly one of those things, only he wasn’t a little thing. He was the most important thing and Sam thought that wasn’t as bad as it could be.

-=-=-=-

“And so, the seals break and Lucifer gets free and Lilith is breaking them?” Sam fact checked through a mouthful of pancakes, looking up at Dean with arched eyebrows.

“Yup. That’s the _really_ short version. So - what we’ve gotta do is stop her. If she can’t break the seals, especially the last one then it can’t happen. He can’t come back.” Dean didn’t want an Earth that was Lucifer’s playground. Maybe the fallen angel was right and humans were a messed up bunch - but they were unique and they had some special things that demons didn’t have.

“Alright so we stop her then. That’s the plan. We stop her before she can get to the last seal and then that’s it.” Sam nodded, wishing it was as easy as it sounded. He had a feeling they were in for a long and painful trip. “Is it soon? Do you have any idea how far along on the list of seals she is?”

“A lot, there’s sixty-six.” Dean rolled his eyes. Alastair had some very minute details and some very broad facts that all together weren’t all that useful unless Sam could help him figure it all out. “She’s been at it a lot longer than you and I have been on the right bus. The thing I don’t understand is ... well... I dunno. Maybe it’s nothing.”

There were things that still didn’t make sense to Dean, but he couldn’t quite get the thoughts to settle long enough to get a good grasp on them.

“No tell me, if you don’t understand something you can let me know. We can talk it out.” Sam reached out to swipe some syrup away from Dean’s lip, smiling softly at him. “You know I won’t judge you on the stuff, whatever it is.” Sam was a little curious about how things played out for Dean. He knew Dean didn’t want to tell him that much, but Sam couldn’t help wondering.

"I keep thinking we should try and get rid of her sooner. But…well, I was supposed to - I mean, I was sent-" Dean swallowed and put down his fork. His eyes ended up down on the plate because he _really_ didn't want to be looking at Sam if he managed to get his confession out. "I'm supposed to make you stronger right? They wanted me to train you, feed you my blood. Why Sam? Why would they want me to do that? I feel like there’s some huge thing here that we’re missing, you know?”

Sam was quiet for a few moments, thinking about what Dean had said. It didn’t make sense, Dean was right. “They wouldn’t want me stronger to kill Lilith beforehand if they want Lucifer free. I mean, unless, I don’t know. I don’t get it, Dean. There’s something, right? We’re missing something.”

"Maybe you're part of it afterwards. Maybe Lucifer..." Dean shook his head. Even he couldn't come up with something that would fill in the gaps. "Fuck, I don't know, Sam." They were so trapped and judging by the look on Sam's face, he knew it too.

“Kinda fucked aren’t we? I mean, if we don’t do anything they’ll just keep coming after us. If we do - we’re opening up some kind of crazy can of worms that’s like some kind of bomb. Shrapnel is gonna go everywhere and we’ll just be tryin’ to stay alive.” Finally raising his gaze, Dean sighed and scratched at the side of his nose. “Still gonna do it though, aren’t you?”

“Don’t really have a choice now, huh?” Sam frowned and lifted his shoulders in a shrug. “We can’t just pull out of this, we’re too far in. Seriously, Dean, is there anywhere we could go that would keep us safe from them? And if we did stop, if we just went away and hid, would it still happen? We just can’t know.” Sam groaned and slumped back on the bed. “Fuck. This sucks. If it wasn’t for you I’d just...” He trailed off, not sure how to finish it. What would he do? End it all in some hunter’s blaze of glory? Sam could hardly remember who he used to be before Dean.

“You’d just what?” Dean’s brow furrowed and he leaned his elbows on the table.

“You knew, didn’t you, where I was at?” Sam looked up at Dean, slowly sitting once more and kicking his legs along the carpet. “Reckless, maybe a little careless, hunting without caring. I could have been killed at any time and...” Sam sighed and shook his head. “I didn’t care. Why would I? Not like anyone would have noticed or missed me. I was just on this path to nothing, right? Then you came along and...” Sam slid his hand up through his hair and groaned. “You knew this didn’t you?”

Tilting his head slightly Dean nodded. "You've changed a lot since I came along, I mean. Since I met you." In a way, it was maybe the only thing that Dean had managed to do in more than a damn century that meant something. “Maybe we’re good together. A bit.”

“Dean.” Sam laughed softly and shook his head. “Maybe you don’t get this, or maybe you don’t believe it. Maybe this thing, it’s too much for you, too human or something. But god, you’re the only person I’ve ever loved. Don’t ask me how you, of all people, can make me feel more human, but it’s true.” Sam pushed up to his feet so he could cross to Dean, kneeling at his feet. “I know this sounds ridiculous, but I honestly don’t think I’d still be alive if I haven’t met you, Dean.”

After watching Sam for so long, learning everything he could about _his_ hunter, Dean found he knew the man better than he thought. "I know, Sam. I get it."

Curling his fingers into Sam’s hair, Dean pulled him in closer between his legs. “We’re gonna make it. I promise I’m gonna do whatever I can to get you through this. We’ll ... no matter what they _think_ they have planned we’ll get through it, yeah?”

“Yeah, we will.” Sam smiled up at Dean and slid closer, pressing his lips hard against the demon’s. His heart skipped a beat and Sam held on to that, knowing it was the thing grounding them. “Should we continue trying to plan for the thing we’re totally fucked over? Or can I just take you to bed and we’ll ignore it for a little while longer?”

Smiling sadly, Dean nodded. “Bed it is.”


	3. Chapter 3

Frowning down at the open trunk of the Impala, Sam ran his hand up through his hair and groaned. He could have sworn everything used to fit in there, but since Dean started traveling along the amount of supplies had tripled. “How does this even happen?” He called over his shoulder into the open motel room. “Where are you even getting these things?”

He heard Dean laugh inside the room and shook his head, slamming the trunk closed. “Jesus Christ!” Sam jumped back, feeling stupid a moment later when he recognized the angel standing there. “There’s irony there somewhere. What do you want?” He didn’t like the idea of the angel turning up the moment he was a few feet from his hex bags and then there was the fact that Dean was just inside the room.

"You're difficult to find, Sam. I've been looking for you." Castiel stepped closer and stared into Sam's eyes. "The seals are breaking fast. We're losing more than we save."

“You’re the pleasant sort, huh?” Sam glanced over into the open motel room and shook his head. “No hi Sam, whatcha workin’ on Sam, how’s life in general?” Sam eyed the angel for a long moment before sighing. “Look, I know there are seals, I get that. I’m doing what I can. So unless you have something that’s going to help me right _now_ , I don’t need you here.”

"Knowing how you're feeling is of very little value to me at the moment." Castiel took a step closer. "I'm only interested in whether or not you're prepared to start fighting Lilith, stop her from breaking the seals."

It was the unfamiliar voice that brought Dean out of the motel room. “Sam, get the _hell_ away from him. Now.” Dean’s hands clenched into fists at his sides, shoulders stiffening.

"Sam. Why are you with this ... demon?" Castiel's fingers curled hard around Sam's forearm and pulled him in against his side. "We should leave."

It was a bad time to be amused, but Sam couldn’t help his quiet huff of laughter. This was insane. “Alright, let’s not play tug of war over me.” Sam placed his hand on Castiel’s shoulder and pushed him away, taking a step toward Dean and sliding half in front of him. “Gotta tell you Cas, you’re coming into this party way late. You don’t know who Dean is, outside the general misconception. So you should back off, because I’m getting the feeling Dean doesn’t like you much.”

"I'm quite certain the feeling is mutual." Castiel's head tilted to the side and his eyes narrowed. "Sam, demons can't be trusted. It's in their ... nature to be dishonest. They're tortured souls, denied entry to heaven for sins they committed; surely you can see how that doesn't make them the best companions."

Stepping in front of Sam, Dean held out his arms. "You gotta go through me to get to him. Maybe you think you can, like, smote the shit outta me or somethin' but I don't care and _that_ makes me the one to bet on. Sam. Get the hex bag and get in the car and drive away." All Dean could think of was getting _his_ lover away from the angel.

“You’re crazy if you think I’m leaving you here.” Sam said quietly and gripped Dean’s shoulder, tugging him back. His eyes shot toward Castiel, gaze narrowing. “You don’t get to come in here, saying you’re an angel and talking about seals, then threatening the one person I love in this world. So, why don’t you just go, leave us alone, I don’t need your help. I’ve got plenty.” Sam wasn’t used to feeling so defensive about his relationship; it was actually a little thrilling in a very odd way.

Frowning slightly, Dean glanced back over his shoulder quickly then turned back to face the angel. "I think Sam's been pretty clear. Leave us alone, we have more important things to do." Jealousy flared in Dean's chest and he backed up a little, pressing into Sam's personal space as though to tell the angel _exactly_ who Sam belonged to.

Castiel's eyes only landed on Dean briefly then he gazed back at Sam. "Listen to me, Sam. You have an important role to play in this. You _need_ to stop Lilith and I can help. I can protect you." Castiel held out a hand.

Dean bristled.

“Castiel,” Sam groaned and shook his head. “Trust me, there’s not much you can do to help me. Dean’s been pretty good at looking after my needs.” He smirked, but judging from the look on the angel’s face, the innuendo flew right over his head. Sam slid his arm over Dean’s shoulder and stepped forward so they stood side by side, eyes locking with Castiel’s once more. “We’re taking care of Lilith. Obviously you don’t have all the details. So, get lost, before I let Dean do whatever it is he wants to do to you to make you go away.”

“There is nothing he can do that will hurt me.” Castiel stared for a few moments, a slightly puzzled expression on his face. “I will find you again, Sam.”

“Don’t-” Sam cut off as the angel vanished, the gentle whoosh of wings filling the air. His arm slipped off Dean’s shoulder and he turned to the demon, lips pursing. “So well, that’s the angel I met the other day. Isn’t he charming?”

“They’re not what people think. They’re... they’re soldiers. Like mindless, strong soldiers.” Dean frowned and slid his hands down Sam’s chest almost like he was looking for injuries. “And he doesn’t know me. He can’t have you, I mean, help you.” A blush crept up Dean’s neck and he dropped his hands and turned away.

“Dean,” Sam’s lips twitched into a smile and he looked away, blowing out a low breath. “You uh, jealous of the angel?” Sam stepped closer, slipping his hand along the man’s side. “You worried he’s gonna win me over with that stern, never smiling expression? Those big blue eyes? It’ll probably be him quoting scripture at me that really gets me all hot and bothered.” Sam cut off with a laugh, shaking his head in disbelief.

It was an unfamiliar feeling for Dean, jealousy, feeling like he had someone to protect. Having Sam laughing at him wasn't helping his mood. "It's not funny," he muttered. Walking around to the passenger door he yanked it open and climbed in, slamming the door behind him. "Big blue eyes," he muttered to the empty car.

Sam rubbed slowly along his lips, trying to fight back the urge to laugh. A jealous Dean? That was adorable. He headed over to the car and slipped in behind the wheel, tugging the door shut behind him and twisting in his seat to face Dean. “Didn’t you hear me sticking up for you? Come on Dean, you know I love you.” He scooted across the seat and flicked his tongue over Dean’s ear lobe. “Besides, I prefer green over blue.”

“If he touches you I’ll rip his wings off.” Dean folded his arms across his chest and shifted closer to the passenger door. They had enough problems without some _angel_ sticking his nose in where it wasn’t wanted _or_ needed.

“So you can hurt him?” Sam asked curiously, shifting back behind the wheel. He’d just let Dean have his time to be jealous, he could use some time feeling usual human emotions. “Was he lying about that?” Sam started up the car, glancing over at Dean then back out the window.

Groaning, Dean kicked his legs out and tried to get more comfortable. “I can’t kill him, _no_ , but I can make him miserable. _And_ I can make sure that you can get away from him - and any of his feathered buddies. They’re dicks, you know?” Dean glanced over at Sam out of the corner of his eye.

“I’ve got this pretty good idea that both angels and demons are dicks. It’s not like anyone outside the human world really has human’s best interests in mind.” Sam looked over at Dean and groaned. “Besides maybe you. It’s all higher plane, you know? In hell, don’t you just hear the demons that are like, let’s raise Lucifer to wipe out humans? And I’m sure the angels don’t want it because, well, that means they lose. No one likes to lose. So if you think I’m looking to trust those angels, or anyone outside you, that’s not the case. Don’t worry.”

“He said you’re part of this.” Dean turned slowly, pulling his knee up on the seat between them. “Has he told you anything else? Anything I don’t already know?”

“No? I mean, he said the things about the seals. And the thing about me being a big part. Um, Lilith breaking the seals which we knew.” Sam shrugged, shifting against how unpleasant the entire conversation felt. “He said that angels are dying to protect me. I find that really hard to believe, I mean, it’s not like I’m really doing _anything_. Shouldn’t they be pleased with me? I’ve been killing demons! I deserve some peace.”

"I'm protecting you," Dean said softly. Frowning, he looked down the road ahead of them. "We have to find Lilith now. We have to stop her."

“Yes, I know. I got this message, Castiel made that pretty clear.” Sam smiled over at Dean for a long moment before looking back at the road. “We’re going there now Dean. We’ll do what we can, and if she’s there, I’ll try and stop her breaking the seal. I’m only human.” Sam’s smile dimmed and he tightened his fingers on the wheel. It was exhausting trying to save the world and being the pawn in the middle of demons and apparently angels.

“And _I’m_ taking care of you.” Dean said it again in case there was any doubt in Sam’s mind.

“And, I’m trying to do the same.” Sam smiled over at him and slouched back in the seat, stretching his arm out over the back of the seat. “C’mere, you were up late last night I heard you. Come rest.”

"M'a demon, don't need rest." Dean felt about as pissed off as he sounded. But he shifted slightly, looking over at Sam.

“You don’t want to lay here against my side? I’m real warm. And I smell good. Better than the side of the door at least.” Sam smiled out the window, eyes sliding occasionally to Dean and back.

"Only because it will make _you_ feel better," Dean muttered. He shifted across the seat and tucked in against Sam's side, huffed, then slipped his arm around the man's waist. "You're lucky I love you."

“Because clearly it’s such a burden.” Sam mumbled and wrapped his arm around Dean, squeezing him tightly. “Should treat me better, I’ve got angels who apparently want me.”

“Sam,” Dean said with a slight growl.

Laughing softly, Sam shook his head and stroked his hand down Dean’s side. “Easy tiger, it’s a joke. Pretty sure that angel wouldn’t know what sex was if I was down on my knees with his pants open. Which isn’t going to happen, you’re the only otherworldly being for me.”

“Sam, just ... shhh.” Dean wanted no more talk of Sam with his pants open or Angel sex or anything like that. Letting his hand fall to Sam’s lap, he slid it between Sam’s legs and brushed his thumb along Sam’s zipper.

“Dean,” Sam groaned and shook his head. “Knock it off. Get some sleep, or just, don’t make me crash.” Sam tilted his head down long enough to press a hard kiss into Dean’s hair before he was focusing on the road once more.

“I still got it,” Dean murmured against Sam’s chest.

“Yeah yeah, you’re the shit.” Sam laughed softly and enjoyed the smile on his lips for a while. Sometimes he didn’t know how long he’d be smiling for.

-=-=-=-

“Sam. I need you to do something.” Castiel leaned forward slightly as he appeared in the back seat of the car.

“What?” Dean had been dreaming about running through some kind of forest, jumping over trees and then he was hearing a voice he really didn’t want to hear. Ignoring the voice seemed like the best course of action. “Sammy, shhh.” Nestling closer Dean kissed Sam’s neck and closed his eyes again.

Arm tightening around Dean, Sam looked over his shoulder once then down, then slowly back at the road, sighing. “Castiel, you really shouldn’t do that.” His heart had skipped a beat at the sudden appearance of the angel and he scowled slightly. “Seriously, I could have driven off the road. You two might not be able to die, but I really can. Go away.” He tried to keep his voice low, hoping Dean would keep sleeping.

"Sam? He's real isn't he?" Dean opened an eye and rubbed at his face. "Fuck. Angels suck." Shifting back slightly Dean turned and scowled at the angel in the backseat. “How are you even here? You got so much time you can follow us?” It had to be the only way, they still had protection. The angel ignored him.

"Sam. I have no time to waste; we're working as hard as we can fighting to save the other seals so I need you to deal with one until I can get there." Castiel's gaze moved slowly to Dean and then back to Sam

Pursing his lips, Sam considered what Castiel was saying and the instinct he had that told him to just tell the angel to go away again. “You know where a seal is?” He finally asked, pulling over to the side of the road and slipping the car into park. He met Dean’s gaze for a moment as he turned, holding up his finger to get Dean to bear with him. “Right now? You know where a seal is being broken?”

"Yes, Sam. Lilith is in Arminto, Wyoming. A seal is to be broken there; sixty-six of the dead must be raised by the next full moon. You have three days. Stop her from breaking the seal."

Dean's head whipped back to face the angel. "What's wrong with all you and your feathered friends? Can't get down to Wyoming for a few days off?" Scoffing he folded his arms.

Castiel's eyes fixed on Dean's. " _You_ should be more respectful."

“No, you should be.” Sam groaned and shook his head. “You can’t just do this, pop in here and send me on some mission like I’m your errand boy. Sixty six raised dead, like what? Zombies? Jesus, fucking zombies.” Sam rubbed his fingers through his hair and groaned again. “What exactly are we supposed to do to stop it? Got any hot tips there?”

"Either stop Lilith from breaking the seal or deal with the aftermath. I will get there when I can, but we are fighting on several fronts. There is a place called _Lost Cabin Cemetery_. You'll need to drive in then hike." The angel’s eyes moved to Sam's profile and he lifted his hand to place it heavily on Sam's shoulder. "Stop her."

“Zombies? I _hate_ zombies.” Dean smirked at the angel and shifted back so he was leaning against the window. “So, what Mr. Angel? We just shoot them in the head?” Dean was getting really annoyed at the angel following them around and made a mental note to make fresh hex bags when they stopped for the night.

Castiel barely glanced at Dean. “Sam, stop her then you won’t have to deal with them. There are only a handful of seals left, each one becomes more important”

It was a little eerie, how much truth was in the angel’s eyes. Sam didn’t know anything about him, he didn’t know if he could trust him or if they were about to walk into a trap. But he thought that the angel didn’t mean him any harm, seemed pointless to hurt him at this point if he was really so important. “How am I supposed to stop her?” He asked quietly, testing the angel.

Sam looked up toward Dean, wondering if the demon was thinking the same thing. How much did the angel know? How much did they all know about what Sam was doing? How else would Castiel know to suggest he could take care of Lilith?

"I know what you've been doing with this... thing, Sam. I know about your abilities and it's suspected that you're the only one who can stop her. Pull her _before_ she breaks the seal." Castiel sat back against the seat.

Dean stiffened. "Oh _hell_ no. You can't just drop this on him. And who the hell are you to just show up here and -"

Castiel's gaze drifted toward Dean. "Don't presume to tell me what to do-"

Dean clenched his fist and pulled his arm back, "and don't _you_ fuckin' presume or whatever to be all _do this_ with my-"

“Okay, well, this is just-” Sam grabbed Dean’s arm and tugged him forward, keeping him from lunging over the seat and possibly creating a supernatural explosion in his backseat. “Listen, don’t call Dean a thing.” Sam fixed his gaze on Castiel and scowled. “He’s done a whole hell of a lot more than you have or ever will. You just show up in here and tell me about a seal and zombies and that I need to pull Lilith. How do you think that’s possible at all? Dean, he’s been the only one to stick by my side, so if you mind _not_ insulting the man I’m in love with, we can maybe get somewhere.”

Sam turned his gaze to Dean and smiled slightly. “And don’t hurt the angel Dean, I like my car clean.”

Dean frowned and folded his arms. Of all the people to show up, not that he actually knew that many, but still - if he did - he sure as hell wouldn’t want to see Castiel. "Fine. But he needs to stop stalking you like some love-sick puppy."

"Love-sick puppy?" Castiel tilted his head to the side and glanced over at Sam.

“I’m pretty sure the angel doesn’t even know what the word love is,” Sam muttered and glanced up at the way Castiel’s eyebrows moved up. “Okay, probably not fair. So really though, you know about me drinking... the blood and, you’re all just okay with it?” That was doing a number to Sam’s mind, it’d taken him weeks to stop feeling the nag of guilt in the pit of his stomach and apparently even the angels were okay with it. “Will this all end if I get rid of Lilith? Will we be free to live our lives?”

"You are _free_ now, Sam. If you don't break the seal and Lilith begins the process for raising Lucifer you will have very little choices left."  
Castiel nodded slowly.

The furrows in Dean's brow deepened and he glared at the angel. "That's what you've always been jealous of, isn't it? You can't make your own decisions - you just follow along on what He tells you without even thinking about what consequences there might be."

"I don't think that _you_ understand the power of Heaven, Dean. You were sent to Hell for a reason, have you discussed that with Sam?" The angels eyes were laser focused on Dean.

“That has nothing to do with this,” Dean said softly. Blinking, he dropped his gaze and twisted his fingers together.

“I know Dean made a deal, it couldn’t-” Sam sighed and reached out, gripping Dean’s thigh. He was getting a little tired of defending Dean to Castiel. But then, he’d always wanted to have a relationship he could stick up for. “Alright, we’ll go to fucking Wyoming and deal with the seal, a little back up would be nice if you can manage to squeeze in a little time, but I have a condition.”

“A condition?” Castiel looked back over at Sam.

“Yeah, a clause, a rule you have to stick by if you’re gonna keep randomly appearing and irritating my life.” Sam clenched his jaw at Castiel before wetting his lips and looking away. “You have to accept that Dean is part of this, and he’s _helping_ me. Whatever misconceptions you have, whoever you think he is, you’re wrong. So if you’re gonna be part of this in any way, you stop calling him a _thing_ and stop doing that thing where you scrunch your nose up like it smells or something.”

Dean looked up and pressed his lips together to hide the slight smile there.

Castiel shifted away from the front seat. "Sam, whether you like it or not, demons are Lucifer's realm. Be wary who you trust with your life. I will refrain from referring to _him_ as anything other than Dean. Will that suffice?"

“I suppose it’s the best I’ll get.” Sam shifted his focus back to the road, looking over his shoulder a moment later. “Isn’t this the part where you vanish? Or are you sticking around for the drive to Wyoming?” Sam hoped that wasn’t the case, the angel unnerved him in the absolute worse way.

"Be careful, Sam. And stop her."

Dean jumped at the sound of air whooshing through the car. "I _hate_ when he does that." He smiled crookedly when he realized that he'd been known to do it on occasion.

“Yeah you beings have this horrible habit of just going poof.” Sam shook his head and slid the car into drive again, sighing softly as they headed back onto the road. “He’s so... dead. I mean, not literally but there’s absolutely no emotion. I always thought that angels were supposed to be full of joy and hope and life, all he does is creepily stare and scowl.”

"I told you ... they're _not_ what you think. They're more like... like that Terminator guy we saw on TV. Just do whatever they're programmed to do." Dean turned to stare out the windshield. For some reason it made him feel better to be on the move again.

“You’re right.” Sam’s lips twitched and he laughed, head tipping back as the laughter moved through him. It was the oddness of the entire thing he thought. “Angels are Arnold Schwarzenegger. And we’re going to fight zombies. Dean, sixty six zombies, this is fucking crazy.”

Raising his eyebrows, Dean turned slowly to face Sam. “Y’okay there, Sam? I mean, this is not really the kind of thing you usually laugh at.”

“It’s insane. My whole entire life is insane. Do you know that?” Sam looked over at Dean then groaned, pulling the car over to the side of the road again. “Okay. We need to switch places, you gotta drive. If I’m going to be either fighting sixty six zombies or trying to pull a demon that’s basically Lucifer’s personal bitch, I’m gonna need to sleep.” Sam was still half laughing and maybe a little afraid that he was losing his mind.

“Sam?” Dean reached out his hand and slipped it over Sam’s thigh. “Everything’s gonna be fine. Somehow, I mean, we’ll figure something out. I’ve seen zombie movies - we just gotta shoot them in the head.” Dean smiled weakly and squeezed Sam’s leg.

“You know what’s funny about real life?” Sam turned in the seat, meeting Dean’s gaze and smiling sadly. “It’s nothing like movies.” Sighing softly, Sam scooted across the seat to Dean and pressed his lips to his lover’s, pulling back with a grin. “Were you jealous of the angel again?”

Raising his eyebrows Dean tried to look as casual as possible. Of course he was jealous; it was annoying as hell that this ... Castiel ... seemed to think that he had some sort of _right_ to be with Sam, take care of him. “I don’t like him, Sam. He doesn’t trust me and he doesn’t need to tell you to be careful - I mean,” Dean threw his hands up, “sitting right here? Taking care of _my_ boyfriend.”

It was almost impossible to hide the smile on his lips and Sam gripped the back of Dean’s neck, pulling him close. “Your boyfriend, huh? Is that what you were going to call me to Castiel?” He chuckled softly and pulled him close, kissing him softly once more. “I don’t trust him, I trust you. Always you.”

“I was maybe gonna call you that. _Maybe_.” Dean pushed a little closer and brushed his lips across Sam’s. His fingers tightened a little more on Sam’s thigh. “How much time do we have before the full moon?”

“Think the angel said three days. Probably about a fifteen hour drive from here. Gonna need some time with you alone in a motel room, build up my strength and all.” Sam murmured and slid his hand over Dean’s thigh, gripping to match the tightness of Dean’s hold. “Are you feeling the need to lay some claims?”

“Stop it - I’m not jealous of that... that-” Dean huffed out a breath and leaned forward to nip at Sam’s bottom lip. “You don’t like him... you are mine, it’s just annoying that he... you know.” Dean sighed and shoved Sam back against the seat so he could twist around and lay half on his lap.

“Bet you kind of wish he’d randomly appear while we’re in the middle of things.” Sam laughed and stroked his hands down Dean’s body. “Are you gonna drive or are we gonna fool around on the side of the road in the middle of the day? I really could go for either.”

Dean smirked and shoved at Sam's t-shirt until he could get his hands on Sam's chest. "If we fool around, you'll sleep better and you should drink some..." Dean closed his eyes to let them shift to black. More and more often he showed himself to Sam, finally starting to believe that Sam truly accepted him.

“Yeah, suppose I should start building up the energy supply.” Sam’s head fell back on the seat and he groaned softly, shifting back to spread out as much as he could in the seat. “Have I mentioned you’re kind of perfect? Just a little bit?” He smiled softly down at Dean, shifting on the seat as he made room for Dean to move.

As he cupped his hands around Sam's face, Dean smiled. "I'm not perfect, just love you."

Lying down on his side, Dean laughed softly. They were entirely too tall for the front seat of the car but he'd make it work. His fingers flicked open the button on Sam's jeans and dipped inside to slip under his boxers. "Where's your knife?"

“Calf, strapped down - Dean,” Sam groaned and rolled up into Dean’s touch. It wasn’t enough, like it never was, and Sam was almost a little scared by how much he wanted Dean’s blood on his tongue and down his throat. “This is illegal you know.” Sam muttered, not bothering to look around despite what he said.

"What's illegal?" Dean grinned. His hand slid down Sam's leg, squeezing the muscles slightly. When he reached the cuff he lifted it slowly until he could reach the knife handle. Pulling it free he let the blade drag up Sam's body, over his crotch and up his chest. Licking his lips, he leaned forward and kissed Sam's temple.

Eyes fluttering closed, Sam panted softly, trying to turn into Dean’s lips but missing. “Jesus, Dean.” He moaned at the lingering feel of the blade on his skin. Sam could have sworn he was never this kinky before, but Dean brought out everything he’d always repressed before. “Admit it, you’d totally love for that angel to pop in and get all, scandalized.” Sam laughed at the thought, breath hitching as Dean continued to move.

The tip of the knife moved slowly up the side of Sam's neck and Dean leaned down to press a gentle kiss to the corner of Sam's mouth. "Then, maybe he'd stop being all... possessive."

Dean lowered the knife and pressed it into Sam's hand then shifted so he could push the collar of his shirt open. "You do it. Cut me."

Something clenched tight in Sam’s chest and his eyes snapped open, gaze flickering over Dean’s black eyes and flushed face, down to his exposed skin and the blade in Sam’s hand. For a moment he tried to imagine how the angel would react if he saw just what happened when Sam drank from Dean, it was far too amusing to spend too much time on.

Instead he pressed the blade hard against Dean’s skin and dragged slowly across, eyes locked on the blood instantly seeping up to the surface. “Shouldn’t get me this hard,” Sam muttered, half distracted as he leaned down to sweep across the cut skin with the flat of his tongue. Dean’s blood was almost like lava and Sam was still surprised, every time, with the initial bursts of energy.

“Why not, feels good,” Dean grunted softly. His body was already trembling with pleasure and his lashes fluttered down to his cheeks. The idea of trying to explain it to Sam, how connected he felt when Sam was drinking his blood - how he was giving Sam something that _no one_ else could, that idea was too much for Dean to try and explain.

He felt Sam’s lips latch on to the cut on his neck, the gentle pressure as he drew on the blood. Dean heard the knife thud on the floor and felt Sam’s hands curl into his hair. _Perfect._ Turning into Sam’s hair, Dean breathed slowly, deeply and pushed his palm back under the soft denim of Sam’s jeans.

Moaning against Dean’s neck, Sam shifted restless on the front seat, trying desperately to get closer to Dean though it was impossible; they were already so confined in the front of the car. But it was never enough; nothing would be when it came to Dean. He sucked hard at Dean’s cut, dragging the blood in and letting it fill his mouth.

It felt like ages had passed before he was pulling back, wetting his lips and panting. “Need something Dean.” He growled and ran his hands down Dean’s chest, bunching the demon’s shirt beneath his fingers. “God,” he fell forward again, licking slowly along the cut to try and stop the blood flow.

Gasping, Dean gazed into Sam’s eyes for a few moments. He was gorgeous like this; crazy with blood and wanting Dean even more. A moan escaped his lips and Dean slid down Sam’s body, tugging roughly at Sam’s button and zipper.

The cut on his throat ached and all he could think about was getting his mouth on Sam, sucking in that peach-smooth flesh and tasting him. Shivering slightly as it felt a little bit like his world was turning inside out, Dean managed to get his fingers under the denim and the heat of Sam’s flesh made him growl softly.

Hand extending, Sam wrapped his fingers around the back of Dean’s head, biting down on his lip as he watched the man. He loved when Dean was like this, just the expression on his face like he’d do anything to please Sam. A smile twitched at his lips and he shifted back, spreading his legs a little wider.

The first feel of Dean’s mouth around him, the heat and slick warmth covered his skin and Sam moaned low in his throat, tightening his fingers in the demon’s hair. “Dean,” he moaned softly and pushed Dean further down, closing his eyes and tilting his head back on the seat.

Everything around Dean merged into being about _Sam_. The creak of the seat beneath them, the sounds of cars speeding past, the wisps of wind that came through the open window; everything - all of it was _Sam_. Every time Sam's cock filled Dean's mouth like this there was something almost desperate about the way Dean's body moved. He wanted it, wanted to suck Sam and lick at his flesh, wanted to be what made Sam writhe and fall apart a little. They deserved this.

Sucking hard then lapping softly, Dean slipped the tip of his tongue along the slit in Sam's cock before sliding down again and taking _all_ of the hard flesh in his mouth.

“God,” Sam groaned and arched his body up, pushing further up into Dean’s mouth. The heat was spreading through him, nudging the already bubbling energy up to a lethal level that Sam thrived on. His fingers tightened in Dean’s hair and held him there, rocking his body in slow rippling waves to thrust deeper inside Dean’s mouth.

Already he could feel his orgasm curling through him, his skin prickling with awareness. “Dean,” he gasped out a warning, loosening his hand as his release flared through him.

Dean's throat ached as he swallowed, his tongue caressed every inch of Sam's skin, catching the flavor of come and pressing it to the roof of his mouth. His hips moved restlessly against the leather seat as he rode the twitches and quivering of Sam's body. As the hot flesh slid from his mouth, Dean clawed his way back up Sam's body to claim a kiss.

Arms wrapping around Dean’s body, Sam drew him close and held him there, pressing in deeper to thrust his tongue forward and gather his taste lingering there. He felt loose and spent, humming with pleasure. “God, I love you,” Sam gasped into the kiss and slid his hand down, pulling and tugging until he could roughly shove his hand under Dean’s jeans and curl his fingers around the demon’s cock.

It didn't take much for Dean's body to kick into gear. Already so close to the edge, just from the way Sam's body had twisted, the essence of Sam still lingering in his mouth. As soon as Sam's fingers curled over Dean's cock he could feel his orgasm storm through him. Heat flooded his veins and he squirmed slightly then shuddered as he came.

Collapsing forward, Dean sank into Sam’s body. His lips moved lightly over Sam’s ear and he moaned softly as he rode out the pleasure ripping through him. “Can’t get enough,” he whispered. His words seemed to send a shiver down Sam’s body and Dean smiled.

“One day,” Sam murmured, slightly sleepy, and ran his hands down Dean’s back, “we’re just gonna be done with this. And then, we’re gonna spend a week in bed, maybe two. I’m gonna take you every way I can.” Sam laughed softly and turned his nose into Dean’s hair, breathing in slowly. “Good plan, yeah?”

“Like I’m gonna say no to that,” Dean murmured. “Sounds like a great idea.” Sighing softly, he shifted a little so he could see Sam’s face and just simply stared at him for a while.

“You know what I find odd?” Sam said after a while, his thumb brushing along Dean’s cheek. “When your eyes are black like this, I can see so much emotion in them. It doesn’t make sense, but I can see these things you feel, maybe even the way you love me.” Sam’s lips twitched in a faint smile, his thumb sliding up to brush over the corner of Dean’s eye.

Dean's lips curved up into smile and he shrugged a shoulder. "Guess it's just me," he said quietly. It was so strange to be with Sam, and know that he knew everything about Dean's inner life. It was a completely different feeling to be _accepted_ by Sam, even when Dean wasn't sure he accepted his own existence.

“Sam? I need to tell you something...about before. About the deal I made.” Dean felt the tension move through both of their bodies and he let himself lean forward again, savoring the closeness.

“What about it? You said it had to do with your land.” Sam frowned slightly, trying to think back to their very first conversation about it. It felt like a lifetime ago, he hardly knew Dean back then. Sam suddenly had a feeling that the story wasn’t what he’d originally thought. “Castiel mentioned it for a reason, huh?”

Dean squeezed his eyes closed and looped his arm around Sam's neck. Everything in him tightened and he was suddenly wondering what the hell he was doing. "I lied."

Swallowing down the instinct to push Dean away, Sam nodded slowly and let his hands drop to the side. “Alright. So, what’s the truth?”

"I didn't trust you, Sam... then... and." Dean shifted slightly and his fingers tangled in Sam's hair. "I was in love, I think. The family... there was another ranch near us. We worked together, me and Jack." Saying the name aloud was so strange, so unfamiliar and like some half-remembered dream.

"He had a family, beautiful wife, and the sweetest little girl. Her name was Hannah and she called me Uncle Dean." Biting down on his bottom lip, Dean closed his eyes. The hurt it all stirred up within him was surprisingly sharp. "Didn't lie about the weather, the winter... it was a terrible year. Everything went wrong for us; fences down, wolves starving so they attacked our stock, blizzards. We didn't have enough to start with, neither of us really." Dean frowned against Sam's neck.

"Hannah got sick, it was a cold at first, but she didn't get better. We tried everything. I brought over all my skins, everything I had. Jack and I spent night after night trying to find firewood and dry it out. She just kept getting sicker and sicker. It was horrible - her little hands were so cold and damp..." Dean's voice broke and he took a few moments to compose himself.

"The worst part was watching Jack start to hate himself. He couldn't do anything, you know? And he thought that he should be fixing everything - makin' it all okay, finding a way to help her. The storm settled in the valley and we were fucked, there was so much snow we could only just keep some of the horses alive. There was no way that he could get to the doctor, nothing we could do. And Hannah..." Dean shook his head. "She was dying, Sam."

"This man came... I was so scared it didn't even occur to me to wonder where he came from. Jack and I ... we were so tired. Sleepin' maybe two hours a night, keeping fires goin', trying to keep the horses alive. And... he made it sound so good. Ten years was such a long time...compared to what we were dealing with. And I made a deal. I loved Jack, I think. I know I did, and I made a deal to save Hannah so I wouldn't have to watch Jack _watch_ his daughter die." Dean blew out a breath softly.

Any anger Sam might have had for Dean lying to him was gone by the time Dean finished telling his story. He stared at Dean for a long few minutes, taking time to absorb the details and try to put himself in that mindset. “Jesus,” he whispered and wrapped his arms tight around Dean once more, pulling him as tight as he possibly could. “You gave up your life for a little girl? For a family you weren’t even part of? God, Dean, do you know how... I mean, that’s so noble of you.” He laughed weakly and pushed Dean back, meeting his gaze. “You gave up your life for a little girl Dean, that’s... incredible.”

"It's not incredible," Dean muttered. "I only did it 'cause I loved him. It was selfish. Couldn't stand to see him hurt like that. I'm a lot of things Sam, but I'm not noble." Dean had been over and over the deal in his mind. If he hadn't loved Jack would he have done it? He really had no idea. Hannah was a beautiful child and Dean did love her - but his love for Jack was so strong. In a time when he wasn't able to act on his feelings - there was really nothing else he could ever do for Jack.

“But did you ever act on that? I mean, it’s not like you held it over his head. A lesser person could have easily told him what you’d done and forced him to betray his family, but you didn’t.” Sam smiled sadly and cupped the back of Dean’s neck, squeezing softly. “There’s nothing wrong with loving someone. But to love them _that_ much, to give up your life for their happiness? Come on Dean, it’s a little noble.”

"You pissed at me for lying?" Dean blinked a few times and rolled his shoulders slightly. Everything felt all drawn up and too tight.

“I was a little hurt before you told me the whole story.” Sam smiled a little brighter and shook his head. “Like I could really be mad at you after all that. I mean, it means that you weren’t in hell because you killed babies or some other horrific deed. Not that I thought you did before, but still. It makes me see you in a whole new light.”

"Guess that's good..." But Dean still felt a little sad inside, a little torn up. Tugging at his shirt, he could feel it sticking to him and everything felt all wrong. "I should... try and clean up so I can drive." Sliding off Sam's lap Dean reached down under the seat and tried to find a bottle of water.

“What’s wrong?” Sam asked softly, twisting around in the seat to grab his bag and pull it open. He snagged a clean shirt for Dean and dropped back in the seat, offering it out to Dean. “Do you feel guilty? I mean, for loving him or making the deal at all? Or am I missing something?”

"For not telling you for so long, I mean you asked. And now - he... that angel throws it out there...and he doesn't know. He doesn't know why I did it... maybe he doesn't even know _what_ I did. He's tryin'a make you hate me, make you suspicious." Dean's fingers rubbed at the label on the bottle and he stared at the sun reflected on the water. "I don't know, just bein' stupid."

Grabbing the door handle, Dean shoved it open and climbed out of the car. Tugging his shirt off, he poured some water on it and wiped his chest and belly clean. The sun was already on its way down out of the sky - they’d wasted so much of the day.

Sighing softly, Sam pushed open the opposite door and walked around to Dean’s side, leaning back against the side of the car. “So, you feel guilty for not telling me the truth and you’re worried about Castiel turning me against you, even though you know how I love you and trust you completely.” He wet his lips and sighed, dropping his gaze down to the ground. “Why would I turn against you Dean?”

"Sam... why does he think demons are evil?" Dean lifted his gaze to Sam's.

“Because he’s an angel. And generally the story goes that angels are from Heaven, so... Holy. And demons are, not.” Sam sighed and lifted his eyes to the sky. “I’m not sure it really works that way.”

"Well, maybe." Shrugging, Dean took the clean t-shirt from Sam and put it on. "You wanna get in the back and sleep? You don't really fit in the front." He smiled slightly and reached up to brush Sam's hair off his face.

Sam stared at Dean for a long moment, trying to figure out what he was missing, what he didn’t get. Maybe it was being human, being unable to comprehend things on the level Dean did. It made his entire being feel uncertain. “I’ll be fine up front. Used to sleep up there all the time when my dad was still alive.” Sam shrugged and turned, heading for the passenger door.

"Sammy?" Dean took a step closer, hand settled on the small of Sam's back.

“Dean, my dad made a deal.” Sam stopped moving but didn’t look over, eyes fixed down on the ground. “He made a deal to save my life. Now he’s in Hell but no part of me can believe he’s a demon like that, okay? So if he’s not, you’re not. You do what you have to do to stop being tortured and, god, if I can say these things it has to be true. After all, I’m supposed to kill evil, you know.” Sam finally smiled softly over at Dean, turning toward him.

Taking a deep breath Dean tilted his head and nodded. He'd heard of John Winchester ... the guy was like a scary story told to demons; the one with all the willpower, but knowing what Sam believed made Dean's heart feel a little lighter. Nodding a little firmer, he stepped in to kiss Sam's cheek and then headed quickly around to the driver's side of the car. "C'mon you, we gotta get moving or that angel's gonna be on your ass again."

“Nah, don’t think you’d let him get on my ass.” Sam laughed softly and tugged the door open, slipping onto the seat. When Dean was behind the wheel, Sam turned to him and grinned. “I’m more of a top anyway.”

“Very funny, Sam.” Dean fired up the engine and held out his arm. “Gonna snuggle my sweet adorable hunter?” Grinning, Dean hooked his finger at Sam. “Cooome on, you know you wanna.”

“Sweet, adorable, hunter?” Sam’s eyebrows arched up, but he twisted in the seat, dropping down half onto Dean’s lap. “I swear if you start calling me muffin or baby or something like that I’m going to start denying sex or something.” He muttered and closed his eyes, curling his arm around Dean’s lap.

As he pulled the car back out onto the road Dean laughed. “You _so_ could not do that.” Not that he could either, but still, it was amusing.

Sam thought about arguing the point, but knowing Dean, he’d dare him to or something and Sam didn’t want to take the risk. “You know where we’re going? General direction and all?”

“For now, it’s a straight road.” Dean winked and sped up.

-=-=-=-

Grunting, Dean was kind of half leaned to the side, arms wrapped around a huge duffle bag. The barrels of shot guns were poking out of the half open zipper and one of the sawn off shotguns clunked off the door and thudded to the ground as Dean dropped it. "Fuck," he hissed.

Kicking at the motel room door, he shifted his grip and tried to hang on to them. "Sam! Open up."

Crossing the room in a few quick strides, Sam tugged the motel door open and looked down at Dean, slow smirk tugging at his lips. “What do you have there?” He blinked at the stuffed duffel bag and reached out, helping grab part of it. “Dean, did you rob a gun store?”

Raising his eyebrows, Dean grinned. "Demon. Seemed like something I would do. It's for the common good of man, right? Fighting zombies?" Stumbling slightly as Sam pulled on the other side of the bag, Dean managed to kick the door shut behind him.

“Assuming I don’t gank Lilith in time.” Sam pointed out and tossed the bag on the bed, tugging it open and staring wide eyed down at the bag. “Seriously Dean, how could we even carry all these weapons?”

"They're all different; you know more about all this modern shit than I do. What's more likely to blow up a zombie's head?" Dean ignored Sam's question about Lilith. Did he think they would stop her? No. Was he sure they would find her? For some reason, yes, and _that_ was something he wasn't looking forward to.

“I’ve honestly never asked myself that question before.” Sam mumbled and poked through the weapons, pulling out various ones to examine. “We’re gonna need something that can fire short range, not sure about shotguns. Sixty six zombies? Assuming they can’t change other people into zombies like crap horror movies, we’ve still got our work cut out for us. Don’t suppose you have any demon mojo that could wipe them out?”

"Not that I'm aware of." Dean shrugged and picked up a shot gun and sighted it on the TV. "What about a trap? Like in that Predator movie? A pit or something - or a way- wait, are the undead stupid? Can they puzzle shit out?" Dean dropped the gun and rubbed the back of his neck. There was a surprising amount of things he didn't know about hunting when it came down to it.

“Um, depends on if they’re like, Dawn of the Dead zombies or 28 Days Later zombies.” Sam stopped in the middle of checking a clip on a pistol and looked over at Dean, blinking a few times. “We watch too many movies.”

Dean laughed softly then his expression darkened. "Are they gonna bite us? 'Cause, dude. Gross." Dean couldn't help shuddering, the idea of all those mouths that were full of rotting teeth and maggots and..."You’re right. We should watch like, hallmark movies or somethin'."

“No, we shouldn’t.” Sam laughed and shook his head. “Dude, how do we know if they won’t turn other people into zombies? What if I get bit? You’ll just heal cause you know, Demon but I can’t stop the Lucifer rising thing if I’m dead.” Sam paused for a moment, dropping his gun and stepping back. “What happens if I die? I mean, if I’m such a key player in this, and I suddenly drop dead then there’s not much of a plan, huh?”

“I won’t let anything happen to you, never.” Dean’s eyes widened and he dropped the shot gun beside him on the bed so he could reach out and cup Sam’s cheek. “If things go bad, _you_ need to get the hell out of there. _You_ have to come out of this, Sam.”

“I won’t live forever Dean, you know that right?” Sam looked up at Dean, head tilting to the side slowly. “I mean, the work I do, it’s not like my life is exactly safe and sound. And well, if I manage to live through this whole, trying to stop the Apocalypse thing, I’m gonna be fucking amazed.”

Dean's expression softened and he dropped his gaze. "Well, then we do this, get it done and we make the best of what time we _do_ have. After this... maybe you could quit hunting. Maybe you've earned that." Dean's fingers threaded into Sam's hair.

 _“Pretty sure I’ll never get to quit hunting, not completely.” Sam shrugged and leaned into Dean, bumping their foreheads together. “Come on, we gotta work out how to kill zombies, get a solid plan, and I have to drink your blood so I can stop Lilith now and save us the drama of later.” Sam pulled back and looked at Dean. “You don’t think I’ll be able to do it, huh?”_

 _"Do what?" Dean pushed up off the bed quickly and moved over to the table where some of their supplies were already laid out._

 _“I can see it on your face, Dean.” Sam looked over at him and shrugged. “Honestly? I’m not so sure I can do it either. Gotta try I guess. But it’s pretty clear you’re not putting a lot of money on me succeeding.”_

 _Dean didn’t turn around; he kept his eyes trained on the container of rock salt that sat on the table in front of him. “It’s not that, Sam. I just think... well, I wish we had more time to get ready. To get _you_ ready. Get our brains wrapped around all this.” _

Pressing his knuckles onto the table, Dean leaned in and stared out the window. “Do you ever feel like this is all some crazy nightmare? Like you might wake up in the morning and it will all be over?”

“Not anymore no.” Sam shook his head and stood, slowly crossing to Dean and tentatively touching his arm. “That’s life Dean, my life at least. Nothing is ever easy and it can always be worse. You just get used to it.” His arms slipped around Dean’s body and he pulled him close, burying his nose into Dean’s hair. “You could just poof us somewhere, yeah? Small island in the Caribbean?”

“And give up all this?” Dean laughed wryly and slid his arms over Sam’s. It was impossible now to remember what things were like before _Sam_. Dean knew that he certainly couldn’t go back from this; there were just some points he couldn’t turn back from. “You’d never do that. I know you well enough to know that. Sam Winchester walk away from a fight? Especially a fight like this.”

“It sounds nice though.” Sam sighed wistfully and pulled back, pulling Dean with him. “Try and have a little faith that I can take Lilith down? I could use your support.”

“Hey,” Dean said quickly. He turned in Sam’s arms and his arms snaked around the hunter’s neck. “I have absolute faith in you. I’ve never, _ever_ believed in a person the way I believe in you. If there’s a way to do this... you’ll find it -and I’ll be right there with you.”

They moved slowly back toward the bed and Dean pushed at Sam’s chest until he sat. “You should drink some-” he shrugged and grabbed the hem of his t-shirt to pull it off. Pulling the leg of Sam’s jeans up, Dean slid the knife out of its holster and flipped it in his hand then offered it to Sam. “Guess you won’t have to do this for much longer.”

“Not for a real purpose, no. It’ll be more for fun.” Sam laughed and slipped his hands on Dean’s sides, dragging the demon onto his lap and taking the blade. “You gotta be careful Dean, with Lilith and the zombie thing, I mean, you’re still at risk. And Lilith could maybe do something worse to you, being demon and all.” He wrapped his arm around Dean’s waist and pulled him forward, leaning him back slightly to draw the blade just over his heart.

Dean's brows drew together at the pain. Lifting his hand, he pressed it over Sam's heart, mirroring the wound and closed his eyes. "I'm always careful, Sam."

“I know. Just, I’d be lost without you.” Sam murmured and dipped down, sucking at the cut to pull the blood into his lips, rolling it over his tongue. He didn’t know what sort of damage Lilith might do to Dean, but Sam wasn’t sure he was willing to risk it. If they took Dean from him somehow, Sam would lose it. He pressed his thumb hard into the binding mark on Dean’s wrist and sucked hard, drawing thick mouthfuls of blood into his mouth.

Wrapping his arm around Sam's neck, Dean pulled him close. He could feel the pull, the draw of Sam's mouth on his chest and let his head fall back. Intoxicating and sweet, rough enough with the rasp of his tongue on the wound; it was the best. "Love this, Sam," he murmured.

Moaning against Dean’s skin, Sam rocked forward and pressed his fingertips hard into Dean’s back. “Love you, Dean,” he whispered and slid to the side, cutting another line over Dean’s chest. Enough blood and Sam knew he could drain Dean to the point of sleep, overextending him, and Sam knew there’d be hell to pay, but there were some risks he couldn’t take.

Dean's fingers moved up Sam's neck and into his hair. He loved the feel of the soft strands on his hands; the way he could hold on to the man. The second cut felt deeper and Dean arched his back slightly into the pain. Sam's lips were soothing, the heat of them and the way he felt so in _touch_ with his lover.

Rocking forward slightly, Dean moaned. Eyes heavy-lidded he leaned into Sam and felt his lover's hands slide down to his ass, holding him there. "Sam," he whispered hoarsely. It was maybe too much blood, but Sam needed it if they were going to have a chance.

Sam felt a little dizzy, all this blood in his body and overloading his senses. Dean was moving against his body restlessly and Sam shifted them back, rolling them over and shoving the guns out of the way. He pressed Dean down into the mattress, pulling in swallow after swallow of rich demon blood that flowed down his throat and made his fingers tingle.

Slipping his hand between them, Sam rubbed Dean through his jeans, playing on his already sensitive body to drive him over the edge. Dean was going to _kill_ him later, but Sam kept insisting to himself that if it kept Dean safe, it was worth suffering the wrath of his lover. And if Sam felt a little sick from all the blood, it could only make him stronger.

The thud of Dean's heart beat was so loud in his ears and he barely had the energy left to roll up into the heated press of Sam's hand. Groaning quietly, Dean let his arms fall heavily to the side.

"Sammy," he murmured. When he blinked his eyes open briefly everything was blurry and far away, everything except Sam. The room spun a little, tilting until Dean lifted his hand weakly to hold on to Sam's shirt. It felt like he might fall at any second, but Sam was holding him there, pressing him down into the mattress.

With hardly enough energy to rock his body up into Sam’s hand, Dean just breathed and the tingling and heat that was buzzing along his skin seemed to twist its way down to his cock. Biting down on his bottom lip, Dean’s hips rolled slightly and his body arched up. He came hard, the force of it making him feel like the entire world was bearing down on him. Panting, moaning, fingers moving on the soft cotton of Sam’s t-shirt, Dean felt himself sinking down into the throb of pleasure.

He blinked his eyes open again and the room swam. His lips parted to stop Sam, but he only moaned quietly, fingers slowly falling from the grip on Sam's shirt. If he just slept for a while....

Sam slowly pulled back from Dean, wetting his lips to gather the last of the blood there. He felt like his skin was sparking, and the entire room swayed as he shifted back. “I love you, Dean,” Sam murmured and fumbled out of the bed, grabbing a rag to wet before coming back and cleaning Dean up.

Once Dean was clean and naked completely, Sam slid the blanket over him, tucking him in with a soft kiss to his brow. “It’s for your own safety.” He murmured, straightening up and watching Dean for a moment before turning to prepare.

Five minutes later he was slipping out of the motel room with the weapons, knowing he had to use this power now before it wore off. Castiel was standing by his car, arms crossed over his chest and Sam shook his head and stepped forward. He watched Castiel’s brows twitch just slightly up and growled. “Shut up, just get in the car.”

After all, Sam couldn’t really care less about the safety of the angel, as long as Dean was safe.


	4. Chapter 4

If Dean were there, Sam would probably be getting a kiss for good luck. And Dean would probably be giving him advice for how to go at Lilith the best to take her down. As it was, Castiel was sitting on the seat beside him and staring out at the building he’d said was Lilith’s current hide out. Sam could see candle light flickering in the window and the timeline suggested Lilith was in the middle of breaking the seal.

Glancing over at the angel, Sam swallowed thickly and focused on the pull of Dean’s blood he could still feel working through him. “You gonna watch my back? Don’t really need to be pinned by zombies while I’m trying to do this.” The angel didn’t know him well enough to tell he was nervous by his tone of voice and Sam looked away before it become too obvious on his face.

“I fail to see how watching your back will provide you with any protection, but I will endeavor to destroy as many of them as I can. Be quick with Lilith.” Castiel cast his gaze around the parking lot.

Sam stared at him for a long, disbelieving moment before nodding. “You’re being serious, aren’t you?” When Castiel just continued to stare at him, Sam groaned and pushed the car door open. “Just don’t let me get eaten by anything; this isn’t exactly easy you know. And I can’t imagine she’s going to be happy to see me.”

Pushing the driver’s door open, Sam rose slowly from the car and stared at the building, the slightest bite of fear curling in the pit of his stomach. He wished Dean was here; he hated that he’d done this, but it was really safer for Dean. He thought. Stepping toward the building, Sam looked back at Castiel, uncertain. “Don’t suppose you’re gonna wish me luck or anything.”

“Luck has nothing to do with this. Either you’ve mastered your skill and will be successful or not.” Castiel turned and faced the yard, head tilted as though he were listening intently.

Sam watched Castiel for a long moment and shook his head. “Alright, thanks.” He sighed and headed to the back of the car, tugging out the bag of weapons and lugging it over his shoulder. “Don’t suppose you can fire a weapon?” Sam glanced at Castiel as he passed and groaned. “I should have brought Dean,” he muttered low in his throat and headed for the door of the warehouse.

There was probably a fifty percent chance that Sam wouldn’t make it through this so he thought making an entrance would be at least worthwhile. He kicked the doors open with a satisfying crunch and paced into the room, dropping his bag to the side. There were strange markings on the ground and Sam’s breath hitched when he saw a woman all dressed in white standing over the lifeless body of a child.

"Hello, Sweetheart. You really are just as pretty as I was told." The woman unfolded her body and stood, tall and thin. Long blond hair framed her face, wide set eyes disturbingly sharp. She moved gracefully, almost fluidly over to a small table and placed a bowl down then held up a knife that was covered in blood. "Just completing my ritual, care to watch?" Her tongue snaked out to drag slowly up the bloodied edge of the knife.

“Jesus,” Sam hissed and looked away, forcing himself forward a few steps and looking down at the kid. There was nothing he could do for him now so Sam looked back up, shoulders tense and bracing. “You don’t actually think I’m going to let you raise people from the dead do you?” He’d rather not do the song and dance routine, but he needed a few moments to get his head in the right place, to make himself believe he was strong enough to pull the demon from her human body.

"So, listen, _Sammy_. Before you summon all your little hulksters and try to pull me, because, I'm gonna go ahead and assume you already know I'm Lilith. How about you and I talk business? Make a little deal." Lilith put the knife down carefully and seemed to almost glide across the distance between them. Her fingers trailed down Sam's chest as her eyes darkened.

Sam stepped back, bile churning in his throat as he stared at the woman. It was so different from seeing Dean’s eyes all black, like the solid white was more eerie somehow, Sam was almost relieved to feel only revulsion when looking at her demon side. “And what the hell makes you think I’d actually be interested in a deal? I’m not an idiot.” As she stepped closer again Sam gripped her arm, pushing her back.

"Because of _who_ you are, Sam. Got a bit of the 'ol John Winchester in you I'd say. Oh, by the way. He sends his... regards." Lilith laughed softly and tossed her hair back off her face. For every move Sam made away from her she moved closer. "John wanted to save the world, you know, kill demons, prevent all this. Did he ever tell you that he knew what you were, Sam?" Her eyes widened and her lips curled into a cruel smile.

“I’m a hunter and I’m going to kill you and I’m really not in the mood to listen to whatever shit you’re trying to sell. I know what you are Lilith, why would I believe a creature like you?” Sam glanced back over his shoulder, slightly irritated to see that Castiel wasn’t even _there_. Angels, clearly so much help. “Can we just get on with this? I have plans later you know.”

Lilith laughed again. "A creature like me? You mean a creature _just_ like Dean? He's been _such_ a good boy, getting you all juiced up and ready to blow. Daddy will be so proud of him. I can almost _taste_ it, Sam." Pulling her arm easily from Sam's, she pressed up against his chest quickly. "C'mon, let me taste it." The pink tip of her tongue swept over full, blood-stained lips.

Part of Sam had prepared himself for this, he knew they’d try and use Dean against him, but Sam had done enough doubting and trust building to let it all fall apart now. So he shoved hard at Lilith, sending her far enough away that he could focus once more. “Not gonna work.” He growled low in his throat and lifted his arm, breathing in deep as he struggled to control the still radiating power from Dean’s blood in his system.

"Oh, I do love my men with a little bit of fight in them. So Sam, you want to hear the deal? Want to hear about giving up your life to end all of this?" Lilith's eyes were locked on Sam's, her smile unwavering.

Against his control, Sam’s focus slipped and he frowned, hand still extended. “My life? For what? Why would you offer something like that?” He couldn’t imagine Lilith _stopping_ all of this just for Sam’s life. He wasn’t anyone special or anything, except maybe to these people who seemed to think he was the only human worth torturing.

"Just how crazy do you think I am, Sam? I don't _want_ to be sent back to Hell. I don't want to be destroyed. I _don't_ want to have to spend all of my time following you around and working my ass off like this to break a few seals. What say you and I work a little something out? You give me _your_ life and in exchange, I stop all this. Angels - messing in my affairs, you ..." Lilith rolled her eyes. "So yes, Sam. Your itty bitty little life for the lives of six billion people." She took a few steps closer, peering up at Sam.

Lips thinning out, Sam’s head tilted slightly to the side, considering the demon. There had to be a catch, it was too easy, even if she said she didn’t want to die why would she be satisfied with just his life as payment? “Why would I believe that? I mean, how could you possibly prove you’d just... stop breaking seals and all this shit if I gave up my life?” Just saying the words had Sam looking over his shoulder, like Dean would randomly appear and tell him just how stupid he was being even considering this.

"The thing about demons is we're bound by our word. You make a deal with me, Sam? I've got _no_ choice but to keep it. That's the way the system works. So what'll it be? Come on." Her fingers slid down over Sam's thigh, nails scratching at the denim.

“Don’t _touch_ me.” Sam snarled and shoved her hard. “How about I just pull you _now_ and no one has to die. Sounds like a fair deal to me.” Sam lunged forward and knocked the woman into the wall, already knowing his time was limited. Lilith could likely easily take him down so Sam gathered up all the energy he could and practically threw it at her, imagining the essence of the demon and that his fingers could pull at it, tug it free.

Sam thought he saw the slightest wisps of black smoke, but it was hardly noticeable, his hand was beginning to shake and the ache in his skull was rapidly growing to something splitting. Sam sucked in a shaky breath and tightened his fingers, a cool sweat chilling along the back of his neck.

Castiel flickered into existence just behind Sam, the rustle of wings the only sound in the warehouse. "Sam, concentrate. You need to focus."

"Oh Sam," Lilith twisted her neck slightly and rolled her shoulders, "you've got a cheerleader.

A slow hiss fell from Sam’s lips, but he kept his eyes focused on Lilith, panting now as he forced himself to zero in on her. His entire body was shaking now and it felt a little like Lilith was somehow throwing the power back at him, like someone was pulling his own essence from his being. Sam could feel the trickle of warm blood falling over his lip and his vision was beginning to blur slightly. Only Sam no longer felt like he could pull away from Lilith now, like the energy was connecting them, keeping him bound to this. Sam gasped, body shuddering with the jolt of energy seeping from him.

As soon as his feet hit the ground, Dean shot forward and threw himself between Sam and Lilith. Sam wasn't strong enough; he could sense it the moment he was in the building. Lilith was strong, she was _damn_ strong. Dean spared only the slightest glance at her bright white eyes, frowned and then whirled to face Sam. His hand curled hard into Sam's biceps. "Break away, Sam. She's too strong still."

The blood trickling down Sam's face sent a sliver of fear stabbing into Dean's heart. Sam's face was strained, reddened by the effort of trying to focus. Sliding his hand down Sam's arm, Dean pushed at it gently. "Focus on me, think about me, and break away from her."

He could hear Lilith’s voice droning on in the background, but didn’t turn to see what she was doing. He knew well enough what was going on.

For just one moment Sam’s gaze turned to Dean and he thought he could feel the demon there, that he could pull Dean free from his body. Then he realized it was _Dean_ and everything fell apart. His shoulders slumped as his arm dropped and he nearly fell on Dean, breathing in sharp and deep. “Dean,” he whispered, struggling to remember where they were and why he was scared for Dean being here.

“It’s okay, I got you, Sam.” Slipping his arms under Sam’s, Dean took most of his weight. “Do something,” he hissed at the angel. Useless creatures.

Lilith’s voice reached a crescendo behind them and Dean clutched Sam tighter. They were too late to stop anything now and they were going to have to fight. Shifting back closer to the angel he glared down at him. “Fix him! Do something.”

Castiel turned slowly, his jacket whipping about his legs as wind picked up inside the building. “I can only restore him slightly.” As he pressed two fingers to Sam’s forehead there was a small burst of light and Sam stirred in Dean’s arms.

“Sammy?” Dean brushed Sam’s hair back off his forehead and risked a glance back at Lilith. She was gone. The ritual was completed. The seal broken.

Turning slightly, Sam blinked his eyes open and peered up at Dean, a frown pulling his brows together. “I failed.” He whispered, eyes shooting the opposite way when something clattered outside the building. “She, oh fuck. We’re about to get zombie attacked.” Sam pushed himself up and away from Dean, swaying for a moment before looking around. His head was aching, his entire body sore, but he couldn’t just let sixty six dead come to life and roam through the town. “C’mon, we gotta...” Sam stumbled forward, straightening up long enough to grab the bag of guns and tear it open.

“Take it easy, Sam. Fuck.” Dean moved over quickly behind his lover and kept one hand on the small of the man’s back as he too leaned down to retrieve a shot gun.

“He _did_ fail, Dean. We need to prepare to battle these undead.” Castiel stood a few paces away from them, eyes locked on the building door. “I would suggest moving faste-”

“ _You_ shut the _fuck_ up.” Dean’s eyes flicked to black and he moved over to put himself physically between Sam and the angel. “Get outside and be... useful or something.”

“Dean, seriously, there’s no time for this. The angel’s right, I fucked up, I should have- I should have been stronger. This shouldn’t be happening.” Sam tucked a pistol under the waist band of his jeans and straightened up, still panting softly as he looked down at Dean, eyes sad. “Go back to the motel, get our shit together, I’ve got a feeling we’re gonna want to get out of town fast.” Dean looked tired and Sam felt the pinch of guilt, it didn’t matter how much blood he’d taken, he’d still failed. And he’d even been offered a way to make it all stop, but he fucked that up too.

“Don’t order me around like your flunky. I’m staying here to fight.” Dean bristled slightly and stepped away, picking up a box of shot gun shells and emptying them so he could stuff them into his pockets.

“Outside, they’re rising.” Castiel disappeared, dust swirling in his wake.

“I don’t want you to get hurt.” Sam said quietly and clutched the handle of his gun, stepping toward Dean and grabbing the back of his neck. “Dean, I...” Sam could feel the weight of the mistakes he’d made, and the failure he’d just blundered through, and his body falling apart. “Be careful.”

Dean simply nodded, not trusting his voice. When he'd woken up he's been royally _pissed_ at Sam. All that talk about trust, all the promises and then he woke up to find himself there alone. Sam had planned it all along. Pulling back from Sam's touch, Dean cracked the shot gun open and loaded it. "Let's get this over with," he growled softly.

Forcing a nod, Sam turned and half stumbled after Dean. It was going to be a miracle if he didn’t get killed during this, he wondered if maybe Lilith would stop her seal breaking if Sam just died in general, or if she needed to be the one responsible for it.

When he made it out, Dean was already firing off shots and Sam looked around. Sixty six people sure seemed like a lot when they were all coming in on them in slightly decaying forms. “God,” Sam swore quietly and pushed forward, taking aim and hitting an old man right in the middle of the head. He saw Castiel not more than a few feet away and made his way over to him, firing off shot after shot. “Can’t you do something? Don’t you have some angel power for this?” He called over the echoing noise of gunfire and crunching gravel.

“I am about to do _something_.” Castiel strode forward into the oncoming crowd. His arm whipped out and he tore the head off the first body walking toward him and tossed it aside casually as he let the body fall from his arms.

Dean paused for a moment, shook his head and then began firing again. And people thought demons were callus.

“Wow, alright.” Sam whispered, half in shock. Of course the whole thing was a little on the _shocking_ side, especially when Sam had to shoot a little girl right in the head. They weren’t running but they were moving fast enough and the stench was almost unbearable, rooting flesh, fresh dirt, the night air all made a sickly combination.

Somewhere around the fifteenth body Sam watched tumble to the ground his legs gave out. He tried to force himself through it, but he could feel the dull drain of his body, the weakening of his body as he curled down on the ground and threw up. The fact that it was all made of blood made nothing better. A flare of panic curled through his chest and Sam rapidly blinked to clear his eyes, looking up sharply when a gnarled hand gripped his shirt and the rot assaulted his senses.

Dean had been glancing over at Sam, wondering how long he would manage to hold up. Obviously, not long enough. Running straight to his lover, Dean swung the barrel of his shot gun hard at the head of the closest zombie. It staggered back and he flipped the gun around and blasted it right in the face. "Castiel! Get Sam out of here! I'll stay..."

The angel glanced over at Dean then his eyes found Sam's crumpled form and he flashed away and reappeared by Sam's side.

Dean fired, and loaded, swinging the butt of his gun in between. “Castiel! Now!”

“No.” Sam shook his head and pushed up, grabbing Dean’s sleeve and tugging up to his feet. “No, Dean. Not leaving.” He swayed dangerously toward the ground again but managed to regain his balance, holding out his gun and struggling to take aim. Both Castiel and Dean were watching him and Sam looked at both, clenching his jaw. “Zombies, priority, I’m fine.”

For the first time, Dean met Castiel's gaze with something much different than anger. His chin nodded up at the angel and he watched as Castiel slipped an arm around Sam's shoulder and pressed two fingers to the hunter’s forehead. Then he was staring at empty space and a foul scent wafted toward him. Swinging the barrel of his shot gun in a wide arc he started firing again.

-=-=-=-

“Dean!” Sam yelled the moment he felt the world stop spinning, but he was back at the motel room now and there was no Dean or dead bodies or rotting smell. “No.” Sam spun toward Castiel and slammed a fist hard into his chest. “Take me back. Take me back to him. He’s all alone out there, you can’t just do that. Damnit you stupid angel, take me back.” The words were far too weak sounding and he sort of slumped against Castiel, but his worry for Dean kept him from blacking out.

"You are too valuable to be lost, Sam. For once, I agree with the demon." Castiel moved Sam over to the edge of the bed and waited until the man sat down before letting go. "I suggest you rest for a while before getting your things ready. It would be wise to move on from here. Lilith will be on her way to the final seals."

“Jesus,” Sam hissed and sank back on the bed, swallowing down the acrid taste of blood lingering in his mouth. “Then go, you go help him.” Sam turned to the angel, desperation clouding his features as he gripped the sleeve of the tan trench coat. “Please, Castiel, I need him. Please make sure something bad doesn’t happen.”

Castiel looked for a moment like he might protest then pressed his lips together and disappeared.

The room was insanely quiet, eerily so, once Castiel had left, only the slight flutter of wings echoing around him. Sam felt exhausted, he’d love to just pass out, but he couldn’t, not without knowing if Dean was okay. Sure, he was a demon and he could recover from a zombie bite, but fucking _zombies_. What if they ate him or something? Tore him apart limb by limb? What would happen to Dean if he was still bound to a body that had been torn apart?

“God.” Sam whispered and pursed his lips, heart clenching painfully. He had the chance to stop it, right then and there he’d been given the opportunity and he hadn’t taken it. Instead, Sam had been selfish and refused the deal, putting the lives of everyone else in the world second to himself.

Pushing off the bed, Sam headed quickly for the bathroom. He turned the shower on, cranking the heat as high as it would go and stripping. He could still taste blood in his mouth and his muscles felt weak and broken down, Sam was terrified he was going to lose Dean and he didn’t know where to begin. So he climbed under the hot burning spray and let it sear across his skin, slowly sinking down to his knees and dipping his head under the spray.

Sam had failed, now the rest of the world was going to suffer for it.

-=-=-=-

When Dean appeared in the motel room there was no sign of Castiel. He and the angel had made fast work of the remaining zombies and Dean had only stayed long enough to help Castiel roll the bodies into a pile and they'd started them burning. As soon as the flames were licking at the rotting clothes, Dean sent himself straight back to the motel room. And Sam.

Tossing his shotgun on the bed, Dean saw Sam's jacket, his clothes and heard the shower running. "Sam?"

Kicking off his boots, he set his gun on the table and headed over to the bathroom. The door was ajar so Dean nudged it open and blinked a few times? "Sam, come out we need to talk."

Sam sighed and slowly pushed up to his feet. The water was cold now and his skin felt the painful after effects of soaking in burning heat then freezing cold. But it was once more time to face the real world and as relieved as Sam was to hear Dean’s voice, he knew what was coming next.

“Guess you won then,” Sam said quietly as he came out of the bathroom, glancing around once for Castiel before stepping past Dean into the room, rubbing a towel over his chilled skin.

Dean frowned. "Sam? You okay? Were you hurt?" Turning slowly, he followed behind Sam and grabbed his arm. Sam's skin was cold, chilled, and Dean gasped softly. "What the hell? What were you doing?"

“Showering.” Sam dropped his gaze, eyes fixing on Dean’s hand around his arm. He slowly looked up, meeting Dean’s worried eyes and sighed. “I should have done it. I should have been stronger than that. I didn’t practice hard enough, even... all that blood and just...” Sam slid a hand up through his hair, groaning at the way it pulled his muscles and made him ache.

"She's strong Sam, it was nothing to do with how much _blood_ you drank or how much you- Fuck, I mean what should you have been practicing on? Me? We found the demons that we could..." Dean turned Sam to face him, shook his head and shoved Sam down on the bed so he could pull the blanket up around him and try to warm him. "What the hell were you thinking?" Dean wasn't even sure which part of the damn day he was talking about.

Guilt gnawed at Sam and he looked away, trying to twist from Dean, but not finding the strength to pull away. “I was trying to protect you.” He whispered which, considering Dean was holding him down now with no hope for him to move, was a ridiculous thought. “Lilith, she might have done something to you. Or it could have been a trap, there- Dean, I can’t lose you, I couldn’t take the risk.”

"What if it was a trap for you? What if I lost you?" Dean tucked the blanket under Sam's body and pulled back a little. "I trusted you, Sam. You set me up." Now that the adrenaline of all the fighting was leaving his system, Dean was feeling the bite of his earlier anger. Waking up in the motel room, alone, he'd been furious. It hadn't taken him very long to figure out what Sam had done.

“I didn’t set you up. I didn’t mean it like that. I was just, I was drinking your blood and I thought about losing you, if something happened.” Sam wiggled his arms free and grabbed Dean, pulling him down with the last of his energy. “Castiel was there, he would have known it was a trap I think, maybe. Dean, I love you so much, I didn’t- I just couldn’t lose you too, okay?”

“Sam, I’m a _demon_. It’s pretty hard to hurt me and... Lilith. How on _earth_ did you think you could just be there by yourself and take her on. Don’t you know we work better together? C’mon. Who taught you? Who is it that helps you to focus?” Dean’s fingers were sliding through Sam’s damp hair, his eyes locked on Sam’s. Sam looked like he was hanging on to his sanity by his fingertips

“I know.” Sam whispered and leaned into the touch, trying to let it comfort him. He hated the way he still felt so weak and aching. “I’m sorry, Dean.” He finally dropped his gaze and inhaled shakily. “Just, wanted to keep you safe is all.”

“Well, I’m safe,” Dean said softly. “Not so sure how you’re doin’.” Shifting down to lie on his side beside Sam, Dean frowned and took a deep breath. “Sam, you gotta promise me you’ll never do anything like that again.”

Pushing up so he was sitting, Sam slumped over his lap and dug his teeth down into his lip. He didn’t think there would be much point in trying to protect Dean like that again; obviously the demon could get there whether Sam drained most of his blood and made him pass out or not. “Alright,” he finally nodded, looking over at Dean. “I promise not to.” He felt strange, his insides still twisting and curling unpleasantly, Lilith’s words haunting him.

“Sam?” Dean sat up and tried to get Sam to look at him. “Sam, what the hell is going on?” Dean rubbed at his face and slid to the edge of the bed.

Stomach sinking, Sam stared over at Dean’s slightly tense form before looking away. “She offered me this deal; it could have stopped all of this. It would have saved everyone. And I just, fucked it all up.”

“A deal? What deal?” When Sam didn’t answer immediately, Dean grabbed the man’s arms again and shook him roughly. “Sam! Tell me.” Deals with demons? Lilith had a lot of power, more than enough power to make any kind of deal she wanted.

“She’d stop it all, she’d stop with the seals and trying to raise Lucifer and all that shit. She said she didn’t want to die for it, that she just wanted to go back to normal and all it would cost...” Sam’s eyes pricked with tears as he looked up, meeting Dean’s eyes. “Just me.”

“But you...Sam. You said no, right?” Dean shook him again, this time fear made his fingers tighten on Sam’s arms. “You said, _no_ right?” There was an urgency in his voice that was a combination of fear and anger. His chest was so tight it felt like something inside him was going to just snap apart.

“I’m still here aren’t I?” Sam snapped, looking wide-eyed at Dean. “I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t sacrifice myself for the entire world. _Jesus_ Dean, my entire life I’ve been saving people and when it _really_ counted, I couldn’t do it. And then I couldn’t even get rid of Lilith, so I’ve just fucked over the entire world because I thought I was worth living a little while longer.” Sam dropped his gaze and pulled free from Dean.

"Sammy. You listen to me. She would have found some crazy way to get out of it - you really think that's what she wanted? That it would be _that_ easy for her to go against everything that our father wants?" Dean sucked in a breath. "What _Lucifer_ wants."

The word settled over Sam’s shoulders like something cold and heavy and he looked up at Dean, slightly curious, mostly concerned. “Your father, huh?”

Shaking his head, Dean sighed and pulled his hands back from Sam’s arms like he was burned. “It’s ... it’s what we call him. What I called him. It doesn’t matter.” But it was obvious it did matter by the look on Sam’s face.

“Right.” Sam nodded and looked down at his lap again. “I think I’m just going to get some sleep now.” He was exhausted after all, and it felt like one of those times when it would be better to just forget Dean was still a demon and would never be completely his.

"No, Sam. You don't get to do that. You... you can't. Listen," Dean ran a shaking hand over his hair a few times. "You tricked me, and I came to you. I _still_ came right to _you_ , Sam. Without hesitation, no matter what you had done. That's trust. When I saw you were hurt, you were bleeding, I stopped you. You didn't give up or fail - I stopped you - I asked you to stop." Reaching out, Dean moved as though to grab Sam's hand, then changed his mind at the last moment and dropped his hand to the bed between them.

"I fought with you, I... I did, I got along with that fucking angel. I made him bring you back here. It's what you wanted." Dean huffed and leaned down to try and catch Sam's gaze. “Trust, Sammy. It’s all you and I have got. You don’t trust me? You don’t think you know who I am? We got nothin’ here.”

“I know who you are.” Sam finally looked up and met Dean’s gaze, heart clenching painfully in his chest. “I know exactly who you are Dean, who you’ll always be. I was surprised to hear you say that, the father thing, but I don’t care. I’m so fucked up I might as well be worse than you, at least you have an excuse.” Sam dropped his gaze, staring at the pulse in Dean’s neck before exhaling shakily. “It’s too late for me, all of this, I should have taken the deal, she would have needed to follow the rules.”

“Too late? What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Sam was killing him. Dean pushed up off the bed and paced over to the door. Yanking the rock salt out of Sam’s back, he spread it in front of the door and window then pulled some of his supplies out. They needed some new hex bags. Sam obviously needed rest, and Dean wasn’t going to suggest he move.

“Why do they want me, Dean?” Sam looked up at Dean, watching him move with a frown pulling at his lips. “Seriously, think about it. The demons want me to kill Lilith at some point, to what? Bring Lucifer up? And the angels want me to kill her before then so he doesn’t rise, but that’s not it. It can’t be both. Because if it is, then someone else could do it. Your knife, it kills demons, they could have chosen anyone. So why me? Why the blood?” Sam was panting softly, his vision blurry as he looked up at Dean. “I want it, I can feel the want for it, like some kind of drug or something, Dean. It’s never been this strong.”

"You're over thinking everything, Sam. You were hurt, you need to rest and ... and we'll talk about some of this in the morning. Or sometime." Frustrated with the leather he was trying to fold, Dean swore and threw it hard at the wall. It slapped against the wall and slid down - quite unsatisfying all things considered.

Rubbing his eyes for a few moments, Dean rolled up his sleeve and snatched his knife off the table. "You want some more? I'll give it to you. Probably withdrawal." Pacing back over to the be, he sat down and dragged the blade across his wrist. The blood beaded up quickly and Dean felt none of the feelings that usually accompanied the slice of metal against his flesh. "Here," he held his arm out in front of Sam.

“I don’t want your blood,” Sam whispered and looked over at Dean, pushing his arm away. “That’s not what I asked for. I’m not over thinking everything, and I can’t help thinking there’s something you’re not telling me.” Sam slid across the bed, away from Dean, the ache in his chest growing. “Don’t force this on me, you don’t even want it, you don’t- god.” Sam felt like everything was beginning to unravel and he didn’t even know how it got to this point.

“Force this on you? That’s what you think I’ve been doing?” Dean stood up quickly and threw the knife across the room. It clattered off the side of the TV and bounced off the edge of the dresser. “Force you.”

Pacing over to the table, Dean snatched up the leather from where he’d thrown it and stuffed the ritual ingredients inside the hex bag. He couldn’t believe Sam had implied he was forcing it, forcing Sam. “I told your angel about how to find you in the next city. He’ll meet you in Ilchester in two days.”

Tossing the hex bag across the room he watched as it landed beside Sam on the bed. “Keep yourself hidden.”

Pacing back across the room Dean grabbed his jacket off the floor and stuffed his feet back into his boots.

There were tears forming in Sam’s eyes as he watched Dean, wondering how long the demon had been planning on going. To have it arranged with Castiel around? Jesus. “So this is it then,” Sam said quietly, voice tense and tight with emotion. He looked away, sinking into the hollow ache in his chest as he listened to Dean move. “This is how we end. It’s funny; I thought maybe it would end up being over what city we ended up in. Is this my punishment for wanting you safe? I don’t get to have you at all?”

"You say I was forcing you, and now, you think I'm leaving to punish you." Dean let out a hollow laugh. "You had me, all you had to do was trust me a little." Gritting his teeth, Dean fought back the urge to walk over and snatch Sam up into his arms. "I'm going to go and I'm gonna try and kill Lilith before she kills you. I don't know what's going on, I never did. I know you don't believe me ... that's obvious now. But I love you and I'm not gonna watch you self-destruct over this and I'm _not_ gonna listen to you tell me that I forced-" Dean's voice broke and he stuffed his hands in his pockets. Closing his eyes, he did something he hadn’t done in a very long time and thought himself somewhere else.

Sam didn’t have to look up to know Dean was gone, the silence told him enough. He couldn’t believe Dean had left without giving the chance to set him right, but then, he shouldn’t be that surprised. Sam had been hoping Dean would hold him, tell him it was okay, that his failure was still something he could fix. Now Sam was alone, like he’d always been, and it was oddly, sickeningly fitting.

Instead of sleeping, Sam got up and slowly, methodically packed up his things. He knew where to go, he knew he wouldn’t get there before Dean and at that point Sam had the feeling that nothing was going to go right any longer. By the time Sam was slipping back behind the wheel, his only thought was maybe he’d get to see Dean once more, long enough to show him that he didn’t think any of those things, and that he still loved Dean like he’d never loved anyone before.

-=-=-=-

Believe it or not, Sam found a demon without much work. Two days of straight driving and every town he stopped in, he looked for demons. Three hours out of Ilchester, Sam found a young man working in a gas station and surprisingly he didn’t seem to know who Sam was outside a potential fuck. It was too easy; Sam pulled him around to the back bathroom, pulled out his knife and drank without thinking.

No matter how much of him felt numb and hollow - two days with barely any food, no sleep, missing Dean like someone had stolen his soul - Sam was ready to do this. It wasn’t a question anymore. He’d pull Lilith and stop her before she completed any ritual or he’d die trying, not much reason to keep living at this point anyway. At least he could save everyone else in the process.

He pulled up to the church and slowly stood from the car, listening for some sign of what was happening. If Dean was here, he couldn’t tell, Sam wished he had the ability to sense something like that. There was a flutter of something to the side of him and Sam glanced over, frowning at Castiel there.

“I don’t think there’s much you can do to help me now.” Sam said quietly, crossing to the front of the church and stopping long enough to look over at Castiel. “I don’t suppose you’ve got any _actual_ advice.”

“Be careful what you believe. She is a demon, Sam. She will say whatever she has to in order to get you to do what she wants. And we have no idea what exactly she wants.” Castiel took a step back and turned slowly away from Sam. “I can’t help you, with this part, Sam. The building is warded against Angels.”

“Because it’s never easy,” Sam muttered and shook his head, taking a final breath before tugging the church door open and heading inside. He could see through to the main hall of the church, there was Lilith, all dressed in white. Beneath her was a strange seal he’d never seen before and then there, just along the side of the wall, was Dean.

“Fuck.” Sam growled and headed quickly down the hall, barely resisting running. He stopped just inside the room, eyes shooting from Dean to Lilith and back. “Dean,” he hissed, knowing his presence wasn’t going to go unnoticed for much longer.

“Sam? You dropped in for the party. Shame about Dean, he just didn’t have much in the way of ... staying power.” Lilith leaned back against the altar and spread long thin arms along the top of it.

“You’re not getting away with this again Lilith, you think I’d come unprepared?” Sam inched toward Dean’s body, heart clenching in his chest. She’d obviously knocked him out; Sam didn’t want to know how long she’d been here with Dean, how long his life had been in danger like this. “So what’s the plan Lilith, what seal are you trying to break this time?” He was buying time, trying to get to Dean before Lilith could do more.

“It’s the final seal, Sam! The fat lady is about to sing. So to speak.” Dropping an arm, Lilith swept it down the curves of her body. “I’m all ready, Sam. It was so sweet of Dean to stop by to celebrate with me. It’s been a while since he and I spent any quality time together.” Lilith’s eyes lingered on Dean’s body before she walked over to the large seal on the floor.

Sam hadn’t realized that _this_ would be the final seal, whatever Lilith was up to, and he wished desperately that Dean would wake up long enough to push him through this. It was like Dean had said, they were so much better together and Sam didn’t even know if he could do it alone now. But he couldn’t just sit back and let Lilith open the gates for Lucifer to come out.

“You’re not doing this.” Sam growled and lifted his arm, fingers curving toward the demon. He took another step closer to Dean on the floor and focused his power, once more struggling to pull Lilith from her human body. In the background he thought he could hear the call of his name, like a distant nagging, but Sam inhaled sharply and clenched his jaw, pulling at the demon harder. He could pull her, without killing her and then the seal wouldn’t be broken.

“Oh, Sammy. Not so good without Dean whispering his demonic little messages in your ear, are you?” Her laughter echoed around the church. “Dean’s all about the missions and just not quite a finisher sometimes. Still. He did get you to drink the blood didn’t he? How _did_ he do that, Sam? Did he tell you the story about the deal for the child’s life? I do think that’s some of his best work.”

“Shut up,” Sam snapped, a shudder of anger rippling down his spine. It wasn’t true, she was lying, messing with him; Dean wouldn’t have lied about something like that. His nostrils flared for a moment as he tightened the corded muscles in his arm, a fine sheen of sweat forming along his brow and the back of his neck. _Stop her, get to Dean. Stop her._ Sam’s body was beginning to shake slightly and he stepped closer to Lilith, so close he could feel it. So many lies, so many mistruths. There was no way for Sam to know which course of action was right.

"Sammy, Sammy," Lilith taunted. "Don't get so angry baby, you'll blow your load before you even get to Dean. He's very _sensual_ isn't he? Loved his new meatsuit." Lilith took a step closer and lifted her hand as if to attack Dean once more.

“Fuck.” Sam growled and the burst of energy that shot through him was almost painful. He could almost feel the demon, curling his fingers around the dark essence and pulling. Sam’s vision blurred when he watched the cloud of black falling from the woman’s mouth and Sam wasn’t putting much hope in the idea of the actual human being alive in that body. His anger was focused entirely on Lilith – he hated her.

Sam didn’t think anything was wrong; he had no idea, except the faintest, haunting laughter that seemed to echo with the black cloud until the woman’s body was slumping to the floor. Sam nearly collapsed, but he forced himself forward, gathering Dean up into his arms. “Dean? Dean, I got you.”

There was no answer, but Sam didn’t have a chance to try more. The ground around him was shaking and Sam turned, eyes widening as the blood on the floor slowly began to swirl. “Shit.” That nagging, bad feeling grew in him and Sam clambered up to his feet, grabbing Dean and holding him against his chest as he hurried out of the church.

“Cas,” Sam called out, nearly leaping down the stairs and looking toward the angel. “Get us out of here, something’s happening and Dean won’t wake up.”

Castiel stepped closer, eyes lingering on Dean’s body for a few moments. The ground shuddered beneath them and Castiel reached out to grasp Sam’s wrist.

Everything tilted dangerously for a moment then Sam straightened out, hurrying to the bed to lay Dean down. He couldn’t focus on what had happened at the church, even if part of him already knew. “Cas,” Sam looked up from Dean, over to the angel. “Wake him up. Lilith must have knocked him out, can’t you do something?” Sam touched the side of Dean’s face and his heart ached. _God_ he’d missed him.

For once the slightest bit of emotion flickered across Castiel's face. His fingers brushed Dean's forehead briefly and his brow furrowed. "Dean is no longer here, Sam. He's been returned to hell." Blinking slowly, Castiel stepped back from the bed.

“What?” Sam exhaled the word, disbelief curling thick through him. “That- no. He can’t, he’s got, there’s a thing he has, on his wrist.” Sam’s hand fumbled down and he turned Dean’s wrist over, but there was a fresh cut along the skin, the mark broken. “No.” Sam whispered, hands sliding back up Dean’s body. “But, his heart, it’s still... He’s still alive. He’s just sleeping. You’re wrong. Dean wouldn’t leave me, he wouldn’t allow it to happen.”

"No, Sam, I'm not wrong. This body is ... whoever Dean was possessing, or what's left of him. His soul has moved on. I'm sorry, Sam. There's nothing I can do. Dean is gone." Castiel tilted his head and stared down at Sam.

“You have to.” Sam pushed up to his feet and grabbed the front of Castiel’s coat, dragging him close. “You’re an angel, just- go down there and get him. Get him out of there. Dean doesn’t deserve that, he died for a little girl, he loves and cares and we’re...” Sam let go of the angel a moment later, stepping back until he bumped into the bed. “We were supposed to finish this, and get a place, with a stupid dog, and pretend to be normal. And I didn’t even tell him sorry; he didn’t even get to-”

It was worse, looking up at the angel and seeing maybe just the hint of compassion. Sam didn’t think Castiel could understand, he’d probably never felt anything like love before, not like this. Sam sank down onto the bed beside Dean - who wasn’t Dean, but Sam couldn’t think of him as someone else - and turned his head down to hide his tears. “He shouldn’t have gone without me. It’s my fault. Can’t you go get him? Please?”

"Dean obviously realized you were worth saving, Sam. I feel certain he cared about you. Before he left the cemetery he asked for my word that I would take care of you. He said if anything happened to him to tell you that you were the best of everything." Castiel took a step back. "Sam. I know very little about human feelings and..." Castiel held his hands up palms open in defeat.

“Yeah, I get it.” Sam had already accepted that Castiel wouldn’t be able to help him. He’d have to do it himself; he’d have to get Dean back somehow. The last two days of no sleep, pulling Lilith, the ache of losing Dean, was all catching up to him and Sam slowly looked up at Castiel, swallowing thickly. “What did I do?”

Castiel’s brows drew together.

“The floor was opening up, there was all this blood.” Sam’s fingers twisted together but he knew already, they both did. “It was him, huh? I just ruined everything, didn’t I? Played right into their hands?”

"Sam, you opened the door. You brought Lucifer back." Castiel blinked a few times, face void of emotion. "Killing Lilith... _she_ was the final seal. I must return to heaven. There will be a lot of questions to answer."

“Fine. Go. Don’t-” Sam inhaled sharply and pushed off the bed. “Don’t look for me. I don’t want to be part of this anymore, leave me out of it. Got it?” Sam used the last of his energy to stand in front of Castiel, not bothering to hide the agony on his face.

"I'll try, Sam. But I'm afraid you're already a large part of this."

“I don’t want-” Sam had half the words out when the flutter of wings filled the room. Go figure, the one other person who happened to know who he was on this plane of existence and now he was gone too.

Sam had to go get his car, he wanted to find a way to pull Dean back and he had to somehow come to grips with the idea that he’d raised Lucifer from hell. His whole life went from mildly abnormal to _really_ fucked up in less than a few minutes, but Sam felt like he’d been awake for years.

There were a dozen places he could start, but Sam didn’t do any of them. Instead, he walked over to Dean’s comatose body on the bed and tried to imagine what his smile looked like, how it sounded when he laughed. Sam’s hands moved of their own accord, fingers pulling at Dean’s jeans, slipping off his coat and his shirt.

Ten minutes later, Sam was curling up under the blanket, pulling Dean’s arm back to tuck underneath. It wasn’t the same, it couldn’t be, but it was the only way he was going to get any sleep at all. Sam had never felt so much like a child before, nor had he ever felt so alone, and if he maybe cried himself to sleep on Dean’s chest. Well, it couldn’t be helped.


End file.
